Tuesday, February 28, 2006

BEWARE WHAT U ARE ABOUT TO READ.
ITS BORING AND LAME.
READ ONLY IF U HAVE TOO MUCH TIME TO WASTE!

blahblahblah
i LAUGHED TOO MUCH TODAY!! hahaha..! yes... simply too much.. havent laughed like that since a month back!! which is like so so so long ago!! yes...hahaha...
i dont know why.. but when we were eating during break time... i forgot what sal and tong were talking about la.. but we suddenly burst out laughing like siao.. and i couldnt control la.. i was like HAHA HA HAHAHAA HAHAHAHAHAH!! then at the far end of the canteen everybody like turn and look at our table. LOL. super paiseh la. but i CANNOT STOP LAUGHING.. like omg la!! then sally super cute la. she was standing up and saying to the juniors behind us.. sorry sorry sorry.. this girl is mad.. LOL.. and i jus couldnt stop laughing all the way... hahaha.. still feeling a bit of the highness... really laughed until i cried! laughed so so hard la... lolx...

and finally we had the lit dramatisation. with 2/3.. shuai ge ge!! hahaha... ok.. my own joke... haha. i cannot stop laughing whenever i see shuai ge's face la.. so funny la!!! thn when we were up there performing... i was having a laughing fit! and the audience didnt make any better... they were laughing and giggling together...!
AND i made a very very very very FUNNY mistake.. >.<>.< ok.. lame. and laugh laugh laugh so freaking much la.

AND AND AND xiu yi is super dot dot dot la!! she lost to me for eng by 0.2!! LOLX she was cursing and cursing me la.. so its like i got 78.6 and she got 78.4 LOLX... and she coudnt get 1st! >.<>.< lolx... sylvia whole day scold sally la... cos she nowadays also so BHB.. thn tong said only me and her can be BHB lolx... cos we 2 will attract guys while she attract ants. HAHAHAH.. sally is so gonna kill me la =p

haha. ok this is crappy.. getting crappy anyway... TAN TAN ROCKS LA ! lolx... >.< whole day laugh like siao char bo with me one.. BLEH =P and and and PLEASE DO NOT BOUNCE THE BALL WHEN U ARE PLAYING FOR ANY GAME!!!!!!!!!!! BOUNCEPASS DOES NOT WORK!! always kena intercepted.. i was like "NOOOOOOO tan!! cannot cannot!!!!" up there in my mind when i was filming la!!!! hahah.. dun cry my dear girl LOl.. n u wld so love a pic of ur part time gf in ur phone la!!! i know u want la! lolx..!!

OH NO HIGH HIGH HIGH IM HIGH!!! hahahaha
N ITS JACCY-CHIOBU GANG. for anyone who wishes to know what gang its been circulating around to different classes already!! lolx... mus support la...!!! HAHAHAHA. crazy girl living in self-denial.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

It is so simple to hate someone, to blame him for the problems and misery we face. But many do not realize that a person does not actually alleviate pain by directing his hatred at others. Rather, it only serves to elevate the suffering. How can someone be happy if he has negative thoughts constantly on his mind? Slowly, but surely, the process would wear him down; just like destroying your house to get rid of a pest. The end is achieved of course, but at what cost? And is the result worth the effort?
I read somewhere that hatred does not solve a problem. While you are miserable and cynical, the person in your "thoughts" might be carefree and happy, completely unaware of the grudge held against her. Why should this be the case? Is it worth the suffering you go through? We should try to be kinder to ourselves, and learn to forgive. Not only to forgive others, but forgive ourselves for the mistakes we make. By letting go, we can free ourselves of the heavy emotional burden synonymous with hatred.
It is never easy to forgive someone, probably with dignity and pride at stake. However, once we find the courage to do so, everything just seems to fall into place. We become happier and stop punishing ourselves for something that is possibly beyond our control. It is vital to note that forgiving someone does not give him the right to hurt you again. As the song goes, forgiven, not forgotten… It is not about bearing grudges. You grow wiser from the experience, and learn how to protect yourself.
Human beings are not perfect. We do have negative thoughts about people. But it is important not to be consumed by hatred, and lose our bearings. It takes a lot more courage to admit our mistakes and forgive, than to blame others for our plight.

The Art of Apologising

How often do you hear people apologizing in our daily lives? Several times a day? "I'm sorry" is possibly among the most over-used words, next to the ever popular "I love you". We apologize for everything; for being late, saying something we should not, the list goes on. It has come to a point where "sorry" has lost its significance. Do we actually mean it when we utter the word? Or is that the best way to get out of an awkward situation?
It has never been easy to admit our mistakes, much less apologize for it. Our "face" and pride are at stake, how could we take that first step? As such, many people have mastered the art of apologizing without saying sorry. Trapped in a situation where an apology is needed, they would simply say, "I apologize." Note that the words "I'm sorry" are not being uttered here. We cannot say they did not apologize, they did. But whether or not they are sincere about the apology is debatable.
On the other hand, what if they had said sorry? Did they really regret their deed? How often had we said countless "I'm sorry" to pacify someone we had hurt? It is probably the ideal way to ask for forgiveness and heal wounds. However, we should realize that there is nothing difficult about saying sorry compared to the pain we might have already caused. Are those mere words able to repair wrecked faith and trust?
The ease with which we say sorry also reveals our desensitization to the word. We are so used to apologizing that we often do not think twice about saying it. Most of us would have had the experience where we said sorry to people even though the other party was at fault. For instance, I apologize when someone bumps into me or steps on my foot. In retrospect, I wonder: shouldn't that person be saying sorry instead? Why am I doing it? This shows that we have become so accustomed to the word that we no longer utter it for its basic purpose.
The art of apologizing is mind-boggling in a certain sense. When can we say sorry at an appropriate time and actually mean it? In our search for the answer, perhaps we should use the word with caution and remember its significance.

Friday, February 24, 2006

This is getting so pathetic... im on a rollercoaster ride right now, im feeling happy in a moment forgetting of everything and the next moment, i have no idea why, my tears just come out.. i feel i have no one to talk to, no one that can really see whats with the smile thats ever so fake on my face and being so cheerful about everyday... i feel so lost so alone... I'm suddenly starting to feel so negative, i shouldn't be thinking about things this way, but i can't help it, sometimes i feel so much to be like a kid all over again, but it just isnt as simple as it looks. Or perhaps. 'The real problem is actually the way you see the problem.' And the way i perceive something may all be wrong...ive never felt so negative after so long...after going through that one short but torturous moment... I cannot help but feel very jealous... i know i have to face the facts... and ive pointed out so many countless times, but its so easy to say, and difficult to do. i lack of something, and i thought i had gotten over it, but apparently, i have not. I really have not. And i feel so foolish that i have not. I haven't cried out my heart for so long... i always control it within me... and the feeling just sucks so much... when i was filming the game today, my mind just drifted off, and i just cried right then and there. I feel so helpless... The same thing been's happening continously for the whole day, i just start feeling so down and all, and i cannot control my emotions at all... i really really dont know what to do... and i don't wanna start crying myself to sleep all over again waking up to the next day thinking its all just fine... im lacking something that i thought i always had... i tried to replace it with something else. But i cant seem to... it never was that easy as i thought it used to be... why did i become so unstable, i feel so weak.....

HAIY.. IM JUST THINKING TOO MUCH than i ought to.....im so disappointed...with myself..
i'm always capable of helping people out through their difficult times...but why can't i just seem to help myself out..??

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

HAIZ..
what a bad start for this post. THAT I HAVE TO SIGH!

im so so so so soooo tired mentally and physically. But 80% tired mentally, really. Dunno why... theres so much stress... that i feel too much of it, that it seems that im becoming numb from it already... i dun even know where the source of the stress is from!! i jus feel so so tired, my mind so much things to think of, so much things to do, but whenever i feel like doing them, i procrastinate, because of? i dunno... no mood!!
this is not like a typical mood swing, its like really... im slacking, perhaps because of the one week break frm the continous tests and i didnt really study much, and when they are nearing, i start to panic!! aARGHH.. i got no one to blame except myself..
but some tests are like, I PUT IN effort to study it, and i still don't score well, do u know how saddening that is la.... my intellegence or what? so pressured, by no one... im putting the pressure on myself. haiz.... this is a psychological problem.. haha.. wierd sometimes it can get, i can be feeling very happy at one moment, and suddenly jus feel like shutting myself shut and sleep for the rest of the day, without having to think of so much things...

stress ah stress!!!!!! netball today... its like i didnt even feel like training at all, partly cos of my toe which hurts so much...and really.. jus no mood...my mind seems to be drifting off elsewhere...all the drills we did, i was practically SLEEPING THROUGH THEM.. like omg la... 1st time ever that i didnt even pay any attention at all, and didnt even realise its my turn...im so so disappointed with myself! when mrs tan asked the team whats wrong i felt like i let down everyone... it was a disaster... really.. my morale was like SO SO LOW....ergh....!!!!!!!
oh great... crap.. i dunno how many times i said that during training, ALL MY MISS PASSES... AHHH! CRAP CRAP CRAP!!
blah..blah blah..!

kk.. haha... crap. all crap. this is only part and parcel of life... this is only like 5% stress and im complaining so freaking much... gotta control myself ah...! but its good to turn back to go blabbing abt ur displeasures... life obviously has much tougher obstacles than this, and of course, if i cant cope with it now, what about later on? DIE? so soon? hahahaha... this is like laughing at myself la... its like the 'angel' and 'devil' in my mind talking to each other...
cos i jus read something inspirational, by people of same age, going thru exatly the same thing as me, IM NOT THE ONLY ONE going thru them, the rest are too... and how well they may seem to perservere on...ha.. shall stick to my previous post and be optmistic and cheer myself on =) its all an internal battle, with my own feelings and at the end its how well u can cope with ur own feelings that will turn out to be the true winner who outshines no one but yourself...

oh yea.. so much about being positive yea... haha. sometimes can jus go heck the day and crap about it and feeling much better after that... BLAH.. i have a throbbing headache since yesterday, its been on and off thruout and i cant seem to study at home... haha.. what nonsense? i cant seem to study in sch as well... lolx... ya.. wierd me... IM WIERD... uniquely wierd... HAHA... i JUS WANNA SLEEP!!!!

Monday, February 20, 2006

Wow... i so love today's training.... my big toe is like the a big portion of skin came off!!! what the heck... so damn pain la...theres actually pus coming out??!! how am i gonna walk like that.. or how am i gonna wear my socks wear my shoes... crap...! my shoes too small!? or i jerk and sprint and stop too much that my toe is rubbing against the top of the shoe too hardly... oh my oh my...not the first time, but its the 1st time that its so bad!! awwww...

Today's training focused alot on our fitness.. yea.. as expected.. but i thought she really wanted to 'kill' us... but didnt turn out that bad... we had to do loads and loads of running and dodging, perhaps that ended up with my toe like that... ARGH.. so fustrated..

and theres like lit drama tmr! i havent memorised 2 paragraphs of like more than 10 lines!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! crap.... this is like so dead la... thn geog CA again tmr... like no hope also la? haha.... its a confirm fail for geog already la... this MCQ test tmr is jus to not 'make u fail so badly' lolx.... and we got back our maths CA today... REALLY NO COMMENTS... haiz... i really wonder how i can score so badly.. even though i practised so freaking much.. like its hopeless to study so much and getting these kinda marks...! yeah.. thats how fustrated and sad i am.. venting much anger on here anyway...

and theres so many many more events coming up.. sports heats...theres not really much i can do on the heats but jus run my best la... running with wynne for 1 event, not sure... but taking part in 4x400 and 200m...thn more tests coming up...history project... some group is doing same thing as ours.. lets hope we get to continue with ours.. or ALL of our research work and that trip to the library is ALL WASTED... jus gonna strive really hard... everything's gonna be over soon.... wish me luck...im so drained of my energy........HELP

Friday, February 17, 2006

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:
You have medium extroversion.You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."


Conscientiousness:
You have medium conscientiousness.You're generally good at balancing work and play.When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.


Agreeableness:
You have high agreeableness.You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.


Neuroticism:
You have low neuroticism.You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.


Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is medium.You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

17th feb

I shall blog about a normal school day, for once. haha.
Yea, so my routine would be to wake up just on time, of course, i don't like to go school early, but some ppl have other preferences... im not a morning person, so even if i go sch early, my presence would not be felt anyway, haha... only a grumpy girl who looks very dao and doesnt feel like talking ya...
so as usual reach sch, join tantan and zest at netball court, wait for the march song*which starts like a min after i reach, cos i go sch too on time already* hahaha..! too lazy to go back to put my bag in class and go back down again.. ya...
so as usual la, hoping my socks would not get caught... but overall im damn guai one la... like what tan said hahaha... cos chanel was like, mdm khoo is over there spot checking, better make sure ur belts are in the hoop... lolx... so tan was like, aiya jac's belt wont be one la... hahaha >.<
ya, see im so guai! BLEH.
and day by day, my socks are dropping lower and lower and lower, LOLX.... thn everytime shu yin me, jia xin would be like hoping socks dont get caught, BLAH. eeyer, later sally come jio me thn book me thn die. HAHAHA.. no no la... sally is like so so kind la! BLEHHH. ya.. anyway, its very funny la... shu yin jia xin me all stand together, and everytime shu yin's something will kena warned, jia xin belt too loose, thn my sock too low.. blah blah blah.. ya... LOLX.... so the prefect will be like can u pull up ur socks, can u tighten ur belt, can u please sew ur belt, only black coloured rubberbands are allowed.. HAHA... see i can even memorise what the prefect will say one la!
haahhaa!

and and and, wei di!! haha.. so dumb dumb la... go post on her blog say she not wearing sch socks, thn sally read already go and warn her, and i also never realised she not wearing sch socks la! haha.. until today i think, or ytd, she went to buy them...
ok, what a long story jus for the start of sch day only.. lolx..
thn first lesson, maths, blah blah blah, as usual la.. thn ms.rosalie, the ever so interesting english lesson la... 'girls, u must blah blah blah..' ' girls, u cannot blah blah blah' YA.. ok i know i very mean la.. but its a fact. wahahhaa. oops... im getting kinda sick of her blah blah blah lessons already la... and our proverb essay is like SO SHORT AND primary sch kind la.. LOLX... thx to the 4 geniuses who came up with the story in less than an hour la... hahaha.. the rest are like SO LONG.. thn they present, thn ms. rosalie kept saying 'girls, u have to listen and pay attn and blah blah blah.. ' hahaha... alot of the grps werent listening la...

after that, wah... the act-cuter lim neo come in... dunno why la, but i feel so irritated when she talk, especially the way she talks.. and i tell u ... everytime she try act cute, i look at shu yin, thn shu yin will be like imitating her jus that in a very exaggerated way la! wahahahha >.<>.<>

thn during recess, chu, sylvia and i went to the tables to chill, talk crap, YES CRAP.. hahahah... super funny la.... dunno why we suddenly went onto that topic, but ya anyway, its funny and enriching for some ppl like sylvia also so despo wanting to know so much one LOLX...
and and guess what. FAIRUZ IS MAD OVER MS GILL.. hahahaa!! >.<>

and thn finally, HMT lesson...the 5 min talk, i think it was a success la, but sally said cld be louder? it was already loud ? haha.. the main point i was trying to bring out was the communication between teachers and students and their teaching methods la... thn wang lao shi was saying it was a good point brought up la.. so OF COURSE CREDIT GOES to sallywally la. HHAHA.. thx alot ya... for givin me that idea... bleh... but i still elaborated it myself ya.. wahahha.. u only told me to do i not stupid. thn i OBVIOUSLY being so smart and genius, went to zoom in on that.. LOL... wahahha.. ok going crazy... lol, ya, but thx alot..

okay, after that, went for lit rehearsal, it was funny acting it out, ya... cos im too stiff? erm ya. im supposed to be a guy, thn haiya, duno how to act la so wierd the language... all the old old shakespears language... thn poor me, have to rmb so much lines la! its like my one paragrah has at least more than 10 lines one la... haiz... and we have to dramatise it by next tues already, so little time!! so busy. next week is a hectic one... got science test again, the last test, thn geog test.... i have to score well for this else its a confirm red for my geog this term .. haha... thn we still havent got back our maths paper, cos its still being marked, and i have a feeling im not doing well for alot of careless mistakes la.. ergh!! like every single maths test, its not cos i dunno but everytime mind will be blank trying to rmb how to do it... so how??!!??! and tan tan is like so hardworking la.. working so hard in all her subj. for sec 2 le.. haha... dun see u like that quiet quiet.. actually study so hard one =p

and thn... normal lor... after the next week, i think theres no more test? lets hope no more already la.. every single week so many tests...
and history proj... research research research... fly ard SG looknig for information. lolx... actually its like we spend so so so so much time on it, and jus to present it for 10 mins... so sad rite?! and it takes up so much percentage... but luckily our grp has many good actresses like me, yA.. hahahaha lolx... no no la.. our grp is good yea. haha..

and netball trngs are gonna be much much tougher after that AHS match.. our fitness is not there yet..really have to jia you... mentally and physically...
hehe

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Valentine's day

Spent the day with the 'gang' haha. Only sad thing was Sylvia couldnt come because of.... DOTS. yes. haha... angry la of course... not like its SO SO DAMN BLOOODY important.. ergh! thats like dunno how many times our 'gang' outing cannot come, thn cannot take neos.. wahhaa...ok so i cannot be the most angry person, Sylvia shall be the one to vent the anger, but anyway, it was all fun la... but it would be funner with Tong around... >.<

thn we decided to go heartland mall, since its called HEARTland mall, lolx >.<
thn we went to take neos.. actually didnt wanna take cos, dua pai sylvia say cannot take without her, thx we always go out thn she cannot come like dunno how many times already la! so we went to the shop to check out the new machines la...
and dunno WHO hor so tempted to go take la... and in the end... we took AGAIN without ah tong... haha.. sad rite!!! BLEH!
ahhha... so we while we were taking, i think everyone outside could hear us laughing inside la, or more like just me laughing la! hahah... did stupid things inside.. haha. and after that... sally and me went 'toilet-shopping' thn everyone were like waiting for us, i think we spent coming half and hour la, lolx.... cos after the toilet-waiting part, which was like so long, thn sally went to see her DA CHANG JIN... ergh! again! and blah blah blah-ing to me abt it la. okay... hha... so yeah, thn walked ard, and got bored of it, so we went home.

and jus wanna thank everyone for all the v.day gifts, so much choocccs and sweeeets haha! im becoming a very SWEET and CUTE AND NICE person after eating so much SWEET stuffs >.<

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Outing

The long awaited day has finally arrived! LOL..
ok.. hahaha... i think it was 2 weeks ago when we were planning to go visit Mrs.Tan's hse during CNY, but unfortunately, she wasn't free, so it was delayed. AND finally.. today! haha. We went over!

It is so far la! like a journey to the West like that.. lolx...frm east to west.. not bad rite! mrs tan goes travels this distance every day to school in the morning like that, so you can guess what time she has to wake up. Anyway, its so fun la. But the journey wasnt. WE TOOK WRONG TRAIN. ya. dumb. LOLX. no one realised we got on the wrong train, until a stop later, the genius, NUZUL -.-.. started yelling and screaming and like a mad person, 'WRONG WAY!! WRONG WAY!' ok.. lame. haha. yea... so we had alot of fun la, fooling ard at her house, playing games, talking blah blah blah...

haha! we were all laughing like mad at her house la... it was super high lolx...
On the way home, i was crossing this overhead bridge, and there was this old man, half naked, black until dunno like what, like some wanderer on the streets like that... *im trying to be evil here ya..* lolx... then he was like super stinky la! like i frm so far behind i walk super slowly cos he kept looking back and talking to himself, and getting me kinda freaked out also ya... then i was like erm.. walking so so slowly ya.. then he jus shout and talk and laugh to himself.. -.-... hahaha... but it was yuckky la...

hahaha... kk la... and then MY PHONE wah... sad man! cannot make outgoing calls cannot send sms cos havent pay for dunno how long then they barred my line.. then im like going out without a phone like that, only can receive incoming calls/sms. Feel so so wierd la! like ppl send me then cannot reply like that haha! so that shows how impt it is to me! haah.. good exp. also la.. mus treasure my hp.. wahaha..
and also another thing la.. those who havent seen me yet, well in fact alot havent see me yet, my hair is a disaster. wahaha.. let ur imaginations run wild! >. <

Sunday, February 05, 2006

I not Stupid

I really not stupid!! lolx!!

ok la... i went to watch it and its really really touching!! and alot of meaning too!

Theres many scenes that you can't help but to really feel and reach out to them.. and thats where it is successful in the movie.. cos it touches peoples hearts! oh yeah.. haha

I liked one part where this guy, Cheng Cai, he lost his mom at a young age, and grew up with his dad... his dad would beat him up everyday for small things, as he thought it was the correct way to bring up a child, cos his dad was also brought up by all these beatings..
Its ok that his dad beats him up, thats cos he doesnt want him to end up like him, but he uses the wrong method and Cheng Cai learned the wrong way too..

Ha, i would really love to compare him and my dad...BUT theres no way to compare, how sad!!
hahaha, as much as u can see that the dad in the show is so so so so violent and all, but in actual fact hes actually doing out of love, but doesnt know how to show it! i really doubt if my dad ever even loves us in the first place...so how is he gonna show it when he doesnt even loves us.. frmo all the small little actions, everything for him must come first, only think of himself before the family, before his kids...
Never has he ever automatically takes any food for us on the dining table, NEVER.. everything take for him and himself only, if theres any good food, he would take for his fill first before leaving the rest for us..In the movie, Cheng Cai's dad copied out 163 letters in english! and he doesnt even know how to write in english, SO WEI DA RITE! haha.. to send to all the secondary schs if they would accept his son but because of his bad records.. all of them rejected him. All these kinda small small actions can really tell a person...of how much a person loves you, or jus by saying for fun... HA.. talk about say, ive never in my entire life hear my dad say he loves me, and the sad part would be that he doesnt even show it in his actions at all...

the rest of the movie is also very very nice, but i'd just like to highlight this point out, that no matter what, all the parents in the show does everything BECAUSE of love, BECAUSE they love their kids.. it pains every parent to see their child ending up like them, unsuccessful and all..
but, does my dad categorizes under the 'every parent'? haha... food for thought..