Thursday, November 30, 2006

When there's expectations, there's bound to be disappointments. Ya, and just when this person, ME, have such high expectations of everyone, i always end up feeling so disappointed in all these people around me. Gosh. Makes me sound soooo good. But no, i'm not that good. Ha! But still, at least better than those people who make me disappointed. For me to expect a certain kinda standard from certain people means i actually deem you are O.K 没问题 in your future one. Hai~ Then i get disappointed because they just don't hit what i expect.

Maybe it's my beliefs that i hold so strongly to. But then again, everyone always expect something from another party. Such psychological things are so hard to explain. It's easy to say that you're content with it, but in actual fact, once something/someone improves, you pin more hope that it gets even better. Maybe it's how society is, the fast-pace environment we have around shows 2 very clear and direct paths; either you keep improving to be the creme at the top, or you slacken and fall to the back struggling to keep your head above waters.
Is the reality that harsh?
Sadly... yes it is.

So what are we supposed to do? Keep disappointing oneself with so much expectations or just be content with what we have and fall to the last. Great!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006









I'm slowly drowning in all these again. The angel and devil in my mind telling me to do different things all at once. Should i or should i not? can i? will i be able to? will it even work? Gosh. Some sense got knocked into me by the harsh reality we're all in now. I should stop. Maybe i should. Then again, the devil in me wants to go on. Damn. Can't life be all that simple to handle, take things at a step, decide and move on with life without looking back.

Actually it's all that simple. I love myself for being a great multitasker; while at the same time, i hate myself for getting involved with so many unnecessary crap a fourteen-year-old shouldn't be in. Shouldn't we be enjoying what is available for now rather than thinking of the future and consequences that beholds. Selfish thinking. I can't do it.

So where do i belong? Somewhere that i've yet to find a good landing on.....Who's there to guide me through? Myself and no one else. Dependancy somehow doesn't have a strong grip in my dictionary. Yet again, i'd love to depend on someone to guide me through. Hai~ Life and its contradictions. I'm living in my world of delusions. Nothing seems to come true. Maybe it's not time yet. Hehh.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Yawnz!~ Time to get busy busy.... with sleeping and eating. Hahahahah!
What an interesting plan for the rest of the holiday.

BOORINGGG!

Let's see, i wanna go eat eat eat... skate skate skate. Aiyo! Kekeke...

Monday, November 27, 2006

I thought holidays were meant for us to relax, chill out, have fun and enjoy the time of our lives. But it seems that we have toooo much of this that it starts getting boring. Miss the fun we had in school, the laughter, the jokes, the life in school...
Is it gonna be the same again?
Sky black black... jac jac's sad.
No more skating for me till i recover. Who knows i might even not recover. CHOY!
I have trouble just sitting and walking alone. =\ How can i survive without skating for such a long period... argh!

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Thursday, November 23, 2006

So this is what reality is. It doesn't pay to be nice, neither does it pay to be kind. You get taken for granted, people make use of you. Get treated like dirt once you are of no use to them.
It's either you're cut out to be the best or, you drop to the last with nowhere to stand. That's society for you.
Talk a little less, listen a little more. See the world in a different light. See what the environment has to offer. Listen more, listen sincerely and attentively. You'll notice this is not the world you've perceived it to be.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Life is indeed a short journey.
Why is everyone so excited about their new books and already starting to read up on them. And me? I haven't even packed my sec 2 books away! So obviously that means i haven't purchased the sec 3 ones. Procrastinate somemore. So lazy to move my ass and start buzzing around to pack up. I'm wasting my time rotting at home staring at an inanimate object (computer) 24/7. How interesting.
Gotta start skating like mad (already did), and slalom like crazy (still doing), pack up all the junk, throw the thrash, clear up study area, prepare to bury myself with sec 3 stuffs. Yay.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Juvenile fun is good for health. Keeps you young at heart. Makes you laugh at stupid, lame things.
How longgg did i not have that already... can't recall. Suppose, 2 years back. All the screaming, jumping, yelling, monkey-ing around in swimming pools, chilling out, cuddling together in movies, grabbing at people, erm... invading their privacies... Making fun of people. Ah.. great feeling!~

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Monday, November 13, 2006

Look at the time. Unbelievably early. Great. No, i didn't wake up this early to blog. More so, i haven't turned in. My life's upside down. The night becomes my day and i spend almost 3/4 of the day sleeping. I don't like the way it is. I feel so rotten and useless at home that's why i'm doing this. So by then, the next day when i wake, it's almost half the afternoon gone before night sets in.
Maybe it's the holidays' mood.

Bah, i have to stop this. It's making my health deteoriate, badly.

Christians, values?

I don't know how many people out there actually encountered this before, but i've already met one too many of such.
About a year back, i've been invited by many friends to visit their churches, join the activities organised by them, know and understand more about God and their Christianity values. I've been pretty liberal about all these, always keeping an open mind to accept things. But to believe it or not, is another issue.
All these sounds normal. Yes they are very normal, that's social life. The thing that bugs me is when some strong believers pester you to join their churches. No, it's not that simple as to inviting you to join. They will be following you on your tail and bug your entire life out. Buggers. Ha!

Recently, i've unfortunately met one. Fortunately that it's for another purpose i can gain from, and unfortunately that this person is making use of work to do personal stuffs. That's badddd. People have their own beliefs, whether they wanna believe in Jesus Christ or God is a totally different thing. Not that i wanna criticise Christians or anything, but shouldn't they ought to opt a different method of trying to get more people to believe in Christianity?
Not saying that every Christian is like that, i don't stereotype. But as i've said, i've met one too many already, and i'm talking about those whom i've personally encountered before.
I respect their religion, but i don't respect the way they pester people to join their churches. It's not about the religion i'm talking about, it's about the people themselves.

It's so contradicting. There they are, praising the Lord and all, and yet some things they do in real life, it's like they are asking to get slapped in their faces. For those who are reading this entry and feel like you're actually one of them, (or perhaps you're too drowned in all these to even realise you're doing it), please give thoughts about your actions. They aren't appreciated. Really.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

For my loving mom

It was that fateful day where we all committed to a new property, a new house, and indeed a very new life. I can't help but reminisce how things were last time as compared to now.
Back at Telok Kurau, the house which i lived in with a lot of childhood memories, everything were so peaceful. Kids were playful, living their life, but not appreciating it. Now that the situation is like that, i really wished for something that's at least one quarter as good as Telok Kurau's. But no. It's not gonna be possible.

The current house is like something that we built our own graves upon. Not that it sound as bad as that. But really, ever since this new land was bought. All the problems, the troubles started flooding one after another. Times even, when everything came all at once. That were the times that tested how strong we really were, both mentally, physically and everything. All the true colours from each and every family member showed through. Eye opener.

From a bare flat land, i watched the whole house built; every single process. The anticipation and excitement of getting to live in a whole new house, designed by our very selves were strong throughout. As much as there were positive thoughts that it was gonna be our haven, our home, things didn't turn out as optimistic as they ought to have.

1 long tortorous year went by, and the house was finally completed. It took away a great part of my childhood. I was scarred deeply at that young age. It scared me so much as a young kid, i remembered times when i just wanted to end it all, but seeing how much my beloved mom went through, it held me strong. From there, i started fighting against this battle, to be strong and always will be. I've changed so much from all the incidents that occurred. It took a whole new turn in my life. People always wondered how this little girl could held out for so long, taking in everything that came in her way. However, there were times i broke down. I felt so helpless, so deep in the bottomless pit that i've fallen into.
Ah, looking back now. It was pretty amazing how i managed to survive and not be led astray.
In fact, this whole thing came as a big challenge, changed me to be a much better and stronger whole.

Definitely, being through that amount of shit as compared to others, there are actually people worse off. I feel fortunate to still have a shelter, love and care from loved ones. Come what may, we'll all tide through this together again. No matter how bleak things may be, there will always be a light at the end of the dark tunnel.
It's not the things that we say, it's the things we do.

I love you.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Expected. (No, i'm not saying i'm expecting.)
It's coming again. Bah!
Feel so sour and scroooged up.

A-Z of Life

A--Accept- Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions

B-Break Away- Breakaway from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.

C-Create- Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and happiness with.

D-Decide- Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way.

E-Explore- Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn more about yourself.

F-Forgive- Forgive and forget, grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.

G-Grow- Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way.

H-Hope-Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you remain dedicated to the task.

I-Ignore-Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small inkling of what the future holds.

J-Journey- Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by reamining open-minded. Try to learn something new every day, and you'll grow.

K-Know-Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better. The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.

L-Love-Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there's room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there's room for endless happiness.

M-Manage- Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you'll suffer less stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important things in life.

N-Notice-Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak or suffering. Offer your assistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.

O-Open- Open you eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for.

P-Play- Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without happiness.

Q-Question- Ask many questions, because you're here to learn.

R-Relax- Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that things always have a way to working out in the end.

S-Share- Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over.

T-Try- Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll be amazed by what you can accomplish.

U-Use- Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no value. Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards.

V-Value- Value the friends and family members who've supported and encouraged you, and be there for them as well.

W-Work- Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a second chance.

X-X-Ray-Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see the goodness and beauty within.

Y-Yield- Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you'll find success at the end of the road.

Z-Zoom- Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your abilities, your dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.


Very meaningful.

Friday, November 10, 2006

I've been pretty mean and cold to a lottt of people recently. Mood swings. No, it's not PMS. Just the mood swings. Thanks for being rather understanding for the closer ones. I appreciate it. And for those who sway sway kena from me... I know it's not the best of times. I'm definitely not having a very good time of my life either.
Nevertheless, it's bad to vent out on others. I know... =(

I hope this is just momentarily. I still have a bad feeling about this. If it can happen once, who knows what the future might have in store for us. Unpredictable.

One life, live it.
Chocolate Ice cream at Tom's Palette.
Look at how thick and dark the ice cream is. I know it's simply tempting.
Everything there taste so real to the actual fruit/food.
Go have it!

Tom's Palette
Traditional Homemade Ice-Cream
100 Beach Road #01-25 Shaw Leisure Gallery

It's at Shaw Tower for those who are clueless where the leisure gallery is.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Communication breakdown. Need repair? Service? Ha ha haa~
Or is it beyond repair? Tsk tsk.

Once in a blue blue moon

That i get to enjoy lunch on the bed with the air-conditioner turned on.... keke

Indulgence of chocolates

And it's alllllll mineeee!

I'm gonna start making people drool again. Thanks to littlefoot, i've got my mouth filled with all the sweet&bitterness of chocolates. Great job on the little decor with the whipped cream on the top of the cake. Though i'm a person who don't really fancy whipped cream, but it's a very nice effort done up for me. =) If it's all chocolates on the topping, i think i will really start fantasizing chocolates all day long, but.... it'll be heavenly! xD

A whiff of the strong chocolatey aroma Twice Chocolate has, started as the appetitizer for me. I know... normal people don't go sniffing all their food and delicacies, but i love using all my 5 senses, cept' the hearing part. Ha! *unless there's actually some things moving inside.... kekeke

It has 6 layers with yet again, chocolatey taste. 2 layers with actual dark creamy chocolate, and the others with sponge, fudge and mousse all together. What i loved most is the outermost layer of the the cake... made of thick and pure chocolates.

It's so sensual to have the taste overwhelming my mouth... the sweetness and the actual bitterness of the chocolates. Definitely a great indulgence for all chocolate lovers, it'd be great if there's a new creation with even thicker chocolate ice cream added. Ah... how delightful!

Don't say i didn't warn you beforehand, it's not for people who are afraid of having more fats. It'll make you feel so sinned. Ha ha ha....

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Autocratic parent?

I really really don't know how to deal with this. I feel so sad, so heartbroken, so disappointed.

I'm already very much confused, why can't we all understand each other better?
I feel hurt...so so hurt internally.

Sometimes... i really wanna give everything up.

Sigh~

Someday, when's it's not there, we'll learn to treasure. By then, it's too late.
Is this gonna be the final straw? I really wanna perservere... but it's draining too much energy.

Tired... sick and tired.

Bad bad times. I hate this so much. Hope everything gets over soon. Everything's not gonna be the same anymore...
Am i unwanted? Ha ha...

Every child is unique. No one style of parenting can fit a child.
Parents have the difficulties of apprenting their own children. They ask around, hoping to find the magical wand from friends who can create that big change in their own kids.
I urge that parents have to understand that their own children are all special. Love them, cherish them, hug them.

- http://parentingyourchild.blogspot.com/

Bah...!

Concentrate on those things that you can do and give less attention to those where you have no control. Remember that no matter how bleak things may seem, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

I wish too...
I'm so tired.
Headache, neckache, jawache, backache, shoulderache, kneeache... the list goes on and on.
=(

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Tamon Japanese Restaurant

Tamon, 214 East Coast Road.
Tempura - Crispy on the outside; tender in the inside, dipped with their homemade sauce, it's delicious.
My favourite: Sashimi - Sweet, fresh and juicy all in 1 bite, ahhh!

And Agedashi-tofu, deep fried beancurd with their homemade sauce. The outside has a thin layer of egg white, with crisp. Yummy man. So soft in the inside.

Chicken Teriyaki - I wonder how they grill it so well... everything's so crispy on the outside, juicy and soft inside... wahhh..

That's the egg, nice yolk. =D

Recommend their sashimi. But it's a bit pricey for a small plate.
I should try Ikoi's someday at Miramar Hotel!

Tony Roma's

The Original Baby Backs, World Famous Ribs.
Appetizer Sampler


Just when i was craving so much for it, finally, it's done, and conquered. Muahaha! Ever so lovely.
I think how sane a person is, will also go crazy from all these nonsense. It's so hard trying to please everybody at the same time. It's even harder when you decide to please one and the person don't appreciate and wishes for more. I'm not a robot. I need a break, give me one.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Crazy
Artist(Band):Simple Plan

Tell me what's wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Young girls dying to be on TV
They wont stop 'til they've reached their dreams

Diet pills, surgery
Photoshop pictures in magazines
Telling them how they should be
It doesn't make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on?
Tell me what's going on
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something is wrong

I guess things are not how they used to be
There's no more normal families
Parents act like enemies
Making kids feel like it's world war III

No one cares, no one's there
I guess we're all just too damn busy
Money's our first priority
It doesn't make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on?
Tell me what's going on
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something is wrong

is everybody going crazy?
is everybody going crazy?

Tell me what's wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Rich *guys* driving big SUV's
While kids are starving in the streets
No one cares
No one likes to share
I guess life's unfair

Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on
Tell me what's going on
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something

something is wrong
Is everybody going Crazy?
Can anybody tell me what's going on
Tell me what's going on
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something is wrong
It's been a long torturous journey.
26th Mar. My last visit to Tony Roma's. ARhhH! Any takers bring me go again..? =D That World Famous Baby Backs Ribs.. ah.. how lovely.
When everything is just right in front of us, we take it for granted. When it's gone, we start realising what's important. Sometimes, i really wonder if every single person deserves a second chance...
It's not that we don't wanna give them, but sometimes, mistakes are forgiveable, but they aren't forgettable. No matter how hard we try to change our impressions of them and be less biased, it's there. The judgment and perception is all there and etched in our minds and hearts.


Please treasure your friends, your loved ones, and everybody that matters to you... before it's too late. Don't take anyone for granted. We're all here hoping for an easier and more peaceful life, no one needs some bugger to make a hell. Be nice to people, be nice to yourself.



You Are 23 Years Old



Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.



13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.



20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.



30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!



40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

That's so freaking old. Almost a decade difference. My oh my...

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Jacjac, who?

I'm apparantly an INTP(Introverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, Perceiving), which is so close to being 100% accurate. Although such written reports on personality types differ due to different situations and circumstances experienced by one, but, the basic's there.

The drive to understand things that are not yet understood is a very powerful force in the life of an INTP. Where the Ti preference is strong, this drive can override the experiential element so strongly that the INTP will become quickly bored with anything that he has successfully analysed to the point of understanding it. Once understood, it has nothing left to offer, once the satisfaction which comes with achieving the goal of understanding diminishes. Indeed, most primary interests of an INTP are things which he cannot fully understand, usually because they are highly complex or have some exotic, mystical element that does not yield to analysis. This is the real reason why INTPs are drawn to complexity: anything simple is too quickly understood and cannot hold the fascination for long.

That's further proving the fact that i enjoy holding challenging and intelligent conversations, always provoking my mind to think. It's being too active in its own world that it automatically shuts itself out from the outside world.

a curious overriding desire to observe from a detached position, indicating the preference for intuitive perception with respect to external things. Since accurate analysis needs to avoid becoming hampered with details or being influenced by the actions of others, the INTP invariably seeks to withdraw, at least in spirit, from the situation being considered. This detachment can sometimes be so marked that he will readily see himself as a neutral observer having no personal association with that going on around him (unless forced to become directly involved through an attack on his principles). The INTP enjoys speculating about how a news item (for example) might be received by other people or how a point of view might offend certain types of people and be supported by yet other types; but to have a point of view of his own rarely seems relevant!

I've always noticed this, but not on my conscious mind. It's always subconsciously that i'm there observing every thing. Observing and analysing. It's even to be as precise to dissecting every thing that i observe, dissecting them and understanding it, until there's no doubt about it. And there i have to prove myself again, i'm even dissecting this particular report. Tsk tsk.


the principle of detachment even encompasses how an INTP views herself. She may analyse her own thought processes as if her mind and body were separate from her conscious self. In wanting to understand her reactions to things, she may treat herself, even her own thoughts, as subjects for experiment.

Where detachment ceases is when someone makes an illogical statement or violates one of the INTPs principles. At such a point, the INTP feels the instant drive to provide for clarity. This is his Mission; to be the provider of clarity, and is often suspicious that he is the only person capable of this task. Here, the INTP risks being seen as over-critical, aloof and arrogant. On the whole, however, real arrogance is rare for INTPs for their desire is not to dominate others but simply to observe, analyse and clarify. Once the point has been clarified, the INTP withdraws quickly, for he prefers not to be in the limelight unless absolutely necessary. Hence, for most of the time, INTPs are easy-going and will fit in to others' needs, taking up the role of observer again.

So half the time people see me as a very reserved person. I'm more of a listener than a speaker. But once i've been 'attacked' on my beliefs and principles, i'll speak to clear any misunderstandings. Ever so true. Hmmmm...

INTPs hate to think of themselves being in any way inadequate, at least in areas that are important to them. So, as soon as she puts herself behind some task, then she must achieve competency.

That's why i always say i compete with and conquer myself, not others.

Related to this is the central aspect of independence. INTP's put great weight on being individuals and essentially different from other people, who they often view as being too alike and too interdependent. Independence touches on many aspects. One is the competency aspect above. When he is interested in something, then the INTP must be competent in it. But there are many things which don't interest him, and some of these will be things that others may be very competent in and where it may be assumed that everyone should be competent in them. The INTP usually applies the word "irrelevant" to such things.

In a good way, i compete in things i'm interested in, but once i find that i don't get any further in something, i just classify them as being irrelevant and move on. Thus, perhaps along the way, i've missed out certain opportunities, because i don't bother to develop the potential.

All opinions must get filtered through an analysis procedure to test for viability. No title or claim of being an "expert" carries any weight with an INTP. All people, big or small, are subject to an identical scrutiny. The INTP sees himself as the independent arbiter, whether a fair claim or not. However, when someone has proved his credentials through having sensible opinions, he will be afforded great respect by the INTP. Most respected of all are those who are not only sensible but also innovative. Intelligence is above all highly prized.

Independence, derived primarily from strongly introverted Thinking, leads to perhaps the most difficult aspect (for others) of the INTP, namely stubbornness. If an INTP is pushed into doing something he will automatically resist.He must be given the chance to reach an independent decision, approving or rejecting the action. Hence, he must withdraw to allow the analysis process to work. If withdrawal is not allowed then stubborn resistance is the inevitable result. However, others may not always find the INTP excessively stubborn, since the decision-making process can sometimes be rapidly accelerated when intuition takes the upper hand. The best way to get an INTP to do something is to suggest the idea as an option and let him sleep on it. Ultimately, the INTP must always believe that it is his decision. Once he is satisfied that the decision was independently reached, then he is content.

Well said about me. Though i still find myself very stubborn at times. Ha!

A further result of the Ti function is the concept, lived out by many an INTP, that knowledge is everything. They tend to believe that information is the key to life.

Finally, the dominant Ti function means that the INTP takes his interests and beliefs very seriously. Honesty and directness when explaining these interests are usually displayed. INTPs detest facades and particulary dislike people who exhibit them. Equally, those kind of people also dislike INTPs and avoid them at all cost, for they know that the INTP will see right through them. The INTP's serious nature also makes them almost immune to mockery and being made fun of, at least when face to face with their mocker. If someone attempts to make a sarcastic, mocking comment about an interest of an INTP, the latter will defend himself with a pure, almost naive seriousness, explaining his position with a severe exactness, wielding his words like swords. This almost always disarms the mocker who does not expect such a penetrating defence. The INTPs defence usually also contains a subtle but biting attack thrown back in the mocker's face, chiefly because the INTP cannot entirely hide the fact that he believes his opponent to be stupid.(This is so true! >.<) Such confrontations might develop rapidly into physical ones, a danger that the INTP should be aware of. This ability to wield words with cutting precision is one of the INTP's greatest assests, but equally one of his most deadly traits.

He is capable of using words creatively to penetrate deep into the understanding of a subject, but if not checked and wielded carelessly, his words can become highly destructive, especially where the Feeling function is heavily suppressed.

And i end up hurting people's emotions without knowing.

Extraverted iNtuition has a strong influence on how the INTP views his own interaction with others. It is the Ne above all that the INTP most loves to show others. He is therefore happy to be seen as somewhat eccentric, innovative and perceptive. In dreaming about what he would like to become or achieve, his goals are invariably highly individualistic.If he is to be noticed at all, then he must be centre stage. If he can't be centre stage in an area of interest, then he must withdraw and resort to vitriolic criticism. But in all areas which interest him less he happily leaves to others and observes. With an INTP it is either all or nothing.

Humour is another aspect which marks out the INTP. He can readily dream up jokes about almost any situation. Taking things out of context is the chief source of humour and many an INTP is a Monty Pythonite. The Ne is the engine and source of this joke-generator. Needless to say, the humour of an INTP can be pretty zany and warped and may not be understood easily by others. The problem is that the Ne concepts for jokes are put into a structure only by the Ti. Hence, the humour can become black and tactless, having felt little Feeling input. Funnily enough, INTPs are dreadful tellers of jokes (which seems to be more the domain of those with Se), perhaps because they pay too little attention to detail when speaking spontaneously. If you see someone smirking and laughing at some private thought, without any obvious reason(i always do, subconsciously and consciously), he's probably an INTP.

INTPs tend to be rather mistrusting of people and are rather sceptical. However, a lot of their trust is based on what the Ne function tells them about somebody. This can lead to a naivity and sometimes to prejudices based on intuitive perceptions of appearence and style.

I don't deny, i'm biased and prejudiced. Muahaha~

One-to-one conversation is preferred in almost every situation. In a group situation, INTPs are sensitive to whether they believe they will be listened to or not. If a dominant (strongly extraverted and loud) person is present, the INTP will withdraw and sulk, believing the dominant person to be a brute. If an INTP speaks, he must be listened to, for he believes his spoken opinions to be important. If not, he withdraws (at least in spirit) and assumes that the people who do not listen lack intelligence. Hence, INTPs make very poor leaders, for they depend too much on the attitudes of others.

On the other hand, they can make very good assistants to leaders, provided they and the leader are of one mind, for their perceptive analysis can give the leadership useful insights which they may overlook, being too busy with leading. Indeed, INTPs are often glad when someone else takes over the lead, again providing the leader is of the same mind. An INTPs ideal is to provide all the ideas for a project and have a charismatic leader, who agrees with him, carry them out. The only area in which an INTP will carry out his own ideas to completion is in his personal interest world, where other people are not involved. For this reason, INTPs are fascinated by computer technology as well as the Internet which gives him a voice that he would not otherwise have. Many of the most dedicated Computer Freaks are INTPs. Ultimately, INTPs tend to trust machines more than they trust people and may feel particularly at home in the realm of cybernetics.(Maybe that's the reason for this blog.)

The Ne-Ti axis also leads to a curious duality in the thinking of the INTP. The dominant Ti core tends to assume the role of a controller and organiser of his life, while the Ne behaves like a free spirit, almost childlike in its enthusiasm. The INTP tends to experience these two forces as an almost continuous tug-of-war, with neither ever quite gaining the upper hand. He is not disturbed by this duality and can view it with wistful humour.

Probably, that's what's been balancing me and my life.

INTPs typically have an acute awareness of the passage of past times. Sequences of past events can assume a remarkable solidity in their thinking, while most INTPs have very good memories.

To add on, especially things that i've heard. They leave a very deep impression.

Because the present is inextricably linked to a sense of the past, INTPs tend to hoard items which help solidify the connection to the past. They find it very difficult to let go of anything they have collected (or indeed created) and which may have a nostalgic meaning. They assume that any object which is of interest now is bound to remain of interest for the rest of their lives. This emphasizes a strong sense of universality in the progression of time, just as it emphasizes the seriousness with which INTPs approach their interests. Frivolity is not in their vocabulary.

I do admit, i have a good collection of my childhood items that i just can't bear to throw them away. Every little thing has sentimental value. Or so it seems that i'm a very sentimental person. Ha!

Hence, INTPs are collectors, but they are collecters for whom the objects themselves are only important in so far as they evoke a connection to past events, in so far as they yield a nostalgic mood. The curious problem with any collection of an INTP is that he typically fails to enjoy it in the here and now. Items are stored away so that they can evoke this time at some point in the future, but such a point often never occurs.

Quite true! I only look back on those items in situations when i'm packing the room, clearing things up, or moving house. That's when i start digging out the old stuffs and reflecting on them. And, that's also why i always fail to pack my stuffs in time cos' it's spent on looking and flipping through, feeling all nostalgic about the whole process.

Photography is a classic interest of the INTP, which depends strongly on the Si - Ne combination, as well as on Ti for attention to technical detail. Landscape photography, for example, is the art of conveying a sense of mood/atmosphere to the viewer.

Classic interest. No wonder. Come on TJ, don't be so impatient with me :P Develop my interest and my potential. Whahaha!

Extraverted Feeling judgement, Fe, is the shadow function of the INTP, being by far the least developed of his faculties. Indeed, mature use of Fe typically doesn't begin to take shape until well into middle age. Feelings and emotions are regarded with suspicion and perhaps fear by the INTP and he may be keen to avoid considering or showing them.

Much of the above demonstrates the immature and underdeveloped approach with which the INTP meets his emotional side. In reality, the extraverted nature of the INTP's feeling judgement means that his emotions, when visible, are pretty direct and easy to assess. Since the INTP normally wishes to hide his emotions; when they do come out, they do so in outbursts with an almost childlike innocence. There is a sense of all-or-nothing and, when visible, there is nothing enigmatic about the feelings of an INTP: indeed, shadow functions always seem pretty raw and basic.

That pretty sums up why i'm always so afraid of BGRs. Emotions and feelings. I suck at that whole department please. If i should ever be in a r/s someday, perhaps, there's a whole lot of understanding to be done about my personality. Someone who truly understands the way i'm behaving. Do you? Hahaha....
Oh well, i may seem to be very insensitive at times, and not catering to others' feelings, but actually, i show concern on a different perspective, that not many people tend to appreciate, or simply don't understand the complexity of it.

For the INTP, emotions are seen as something mysterious and as uncontrollable as they are unalterable. Hence, the root of the fear of emotions is the fear that they cannot be controlled. Hence, when an INTP does finally respond emotionally to something, his emotions are indeed left uncontrolled, raw and open(that's why if i do show emotions about something, please take it seriously). However, when witnessing the emotional response of another person, the INTP intensely resists any similar emotion of his own. An example of this is when watching a 'weepy' cinema film in which some heart-wrenching scene is being shown. The INTP despises the attempt by the filmmaker to influence his emotions and is more likely to sneer than cry. This response has nothing to do with arrogance, however. Rather it is the INTP defensively avoiding exposing what he knows to be his weak point.

Being so freaking logical about everything, emotions is one thing that cannot be defined. Cannot be analysed, cannot be dissected. And that's why i still suck at that. That's my weakest point. Forgive me people. ;D

It's not that i don't feel. It's just i don't know how to deal with it. Oh great. Talking about that, perhaps it's time to let something off my mind too :P

You classmates reckon i have no feelings for 2/7 because we're all parting and there i am, not even reminiscing or saying things like, i'm gonna miss so and so how much. It's not that i will not miss, it's something that's part of life and there's nothing we can do about it. So i can't sulk all day that we're all parting and i HAVE to feel sad about it. I mean, look forward to 2007, a new life, a new class. A new beginning. Why think so negatively? We'll all still be seeing each other. Although i hate to admit that friendships do drift apart after that.
Treasure the times, let go, and move on.

The mystery of emotion is also evidence in the INTP's use of music. He always chooses to listen to music which suits his current emotional state, be it aggression, warmth, excitement, relaxation or whatever. Hence, the emotional state is assumed to be an unchangeable, mysterious property of himself. It is easier to choose appropriate music than to attempt to influence this. People with introverted Feeling, Fi, however, will deliberately choose to listen to music which helps them change and improve their mood. INTPs could never do that. They feel an unpleasant sense of disharmony whenever a music style clashes with their emotional state. Indeed, it is remarkable how much attention they pay to their emotions when music is involved.

Ever so true.

In a similar way, INTPs dislike being in an atmosphere of emotional disharmony. If they need to say something unpleasant to someone close to them, they would prefer to avoid this task for fear of the disharmony that may result. This results from the INTP's fear that he does not have the emotional competence to deal with disharmony. INTPs never like doing something until they know they can do it. The best cure for this reticence is experience: to express his feelings, to live through disharmony and come out the other side with greater experience of his emotional side.

That's why i always choose to remain silent even if i beg to differ on certain matters. I hate conflicts. As long as everyone's happy, that's what matters.

Friendship with INTPs develops at a pace which depends considerably on the temperament of the other person. INTPs dislike making the first move and tend to mirror the emotional content of the other person. A jolly person will quickly bring the INTP out of his shell, as much as that is possible, while a serious person will find a serious INTP looking back at him. In this sense, INTPs preference for intuitive perception (rather than action) with respect to people results in them resembling a chameleon. The INTP can fit into many different modes of behaviour, even contradictory ones, in order to get into the mindset of the other person. The goal is to gain enough intuitive data to analyse and assess the person. In doing this, the INTP remains somewhat reserved, never wholly identifying himself with his surroundings. As chameleons, INTPs are therefore approachable and open, unless the Ne tells the INTP that the other person is a type he doesn't like, in which case the reserved attitude may become too obvious.

That's why people who understands me, REALLY understands me a lot, and those who don't, half the time they are clueless about me. Totally clueless indeed. So it's more of, who's able to bring out the best in me, will know me the best. ;)

After reading so much, and if you could hold out for so long to read the entire chunk, maybe you'll see me on a whole different level, understand me better. ;D


Credits -Those in italics are taken from http://www.intp.org/intprofile.html

To know what personality type you are, can try out here: http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html
It's the Myers Briggs Personality type. A.k.a MBTI, or the 4 letters personality.
There's also the DISC profiling, but personally, i prefer MBTI to DISC.
After finding out your type, just google it and read up. To believe in it, entirely your choice. Lest people say it's all NLP(Neuro Linguistic Programming)-ing in the process. Ha!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006