Vault

An eye opener for myself: http://www.vault.com/assessmentpdfs/ef5d6d4d804bd21c5aa4101bb172d608.pdf

Key things to note:

- are a strong self-starter, who doesn't wait for things to happen

- maintain cool control of your emotions

- are an excellent listener, one of the best

- strive for a high degree of quality control

Ideal Job Culture is where you do your best work. You do your best work in an environment that:

- working in a predictable environment

- doesn't call for you to project great emotion

- presents you with specialized assignments

- encourages projects being done accurately the first time

Honestly, I don't know what kind of jobs have such a job culture. Loving the opportunities there are right now. So many... too many in fact. But I'm glad for now it's just a mass knowledge accumulation period. I have been working so hard my whole life, to be right here, right now.

Death

"Wherever your life ends, it is all there. The utility of living consists not in the length of days, but in the use of time; a man may have lived long, and yet lived but a little. Make use of time while it is present with you. It depends upon your will, and not upon the number of days, to have a sufficient length of life. Is it possible you can imagine never to arrive at the place towards which you are continually going? and yet there is no journey but hath its end. And, if company will make it more pleasant or more easy to you, does not all the world go the self-same way?

I believe, in truth, that it is those terrible ceremonies and preparations wherewith we set it out, that more terrify us than the thing itself; a new, quite contrary way of living; the cries of mothers, wives, and children; the visits of astounded and afflicted friends; a dark room, set round with burning tapers; in sum, nothing but ghostliness and horror round about us; we seem dead and buried already. Children are afraid even of those they are best acquainted with, when disguised in a visor; and so 'tis with us; the visor must be removed as well from things as from persons, that being taken away, we shall find nothing underneath but the very same death that a mean servant or a poor chambermaid died a day or two ago, without any manner of apprehension. Happy is the death that deprives us of leisure for preparing such ceremonials."

Credit: essays of Michel de Montaigne.

If I had wanted a change, I will be the change. How long and how hard does it take to change a tradition so deep set in a culture? I want death to be a joyous occasion. Just like a celebrity's death is remembered by portraying one's life works, wouldn't it have been a lot more memorable and sentimental to celebrate the death of one? The day our life ends is the day it draws a full stop and completes the beautiful journey that we have been through. We end it off with a blast, we end if off leaving a legacy. Will we be able to achieve that one day?

I know I want to.

爱要怎么说

Quiet, introvert, apathetic & non-expressive. A lethal combination which requires a miracle pill to express emotions.

我怎样学会呢?

A new window

As I blog lesser and lesser, I experience a significant obstacle of trying to express myself properly verbally and through words. There are many thoughts in me, but I can't express them out, not even in words. It kills me sometimes, because that means it's just a web of tangled mess in there.

Within the past months, I feel like I have gone into a whole new realm. I am experiencing things that I have done 3, 4 years back, only this time, with friends my age. Friends I call my own. It's so surreal, that I have actually grown up so much, so fast. The ghost of me leaving the scene, and now it's the present me replacing all these experiences at the very same places that I used to be at.

I wonder if I can manage yet another incredible journey of exceptional loving. The heart craves and it's such a natural feeling. A feeling that doesn't need no commanding, no restraining, a feeling so nurturing and sudden. It's too compelling. How crazy, stupid love can be? How far can we go to maintain the giving and taking?

I am too lucky. The situation requires me to acclimatise myself quite a bit. Everything starts from somewhere, and I see many new windows of opportunity. Man makes life exciting, and not wait for life to become exciting.

It's better to have loved and lost, than to not have loved at all.

What do I make out of that?

Today I was so affected by the effects of herd mentality and insensitivity. Many times, I wonder if I am really that different from others, that I can feel and see so much more. Although not an emotional person, I can understand and grasp many situations easily. Sometimes in a social setting, people tend to exhibit the 'group' behaviour, where everybody tries to blend in their characters with the dynamics of the group to fit in. I stay true to myself, does that make me weird? I may be silent, but I take in a lot and sometimes I am quite disappointed at how the transition of schools have not changed much things about the maturity of students.

If I don't have expectations, would I still be disappointed? I mean, it's quite common sense to have such basic expectations, and sometimes I try very hard to put myself in others' situations, would I still have reacted the same way? I sympathize from their points of view, yet I don't understand what it is that forces us to fall back into the collectivist culture and not think for ourselves.

I feel sad about it, but I know it's beyond my control. Life is tough sometimes, but I know I am contented, and I wish more people would feel the same way too. How do we shed the innocence and naivety? Experience comes hitting hard on some of us, I don't know if I am lucky or unlucky to experience many things earlier. 6 weeks into school, and I still have a hard time adapting. Sigh, why am I so slow in this.

Emotional

It's been a long while... I haven't got the time at all to come back here and pour my heart. Especially so when I feel so down sometimes, and I can't find the reason that explains the feelings all inside.

It's the feeling of being so alone even though I'm surrounded by so many people.

I love how school is so different from rote learning and that we are always constantly applying many things to real life. I only wish we could grow up faster mentally and enjoy school for what it is now.

I actually want to fall in love... to rely on someone emotionally. Some things are not meant to be rushed... and I will soothe myself with my love songs mix.