Thursday, August 23, 2012

What Do You Want To Do?

That question keeps coming back to haunt me, over and over.

Sometimes I smile and move on to another topic about what I'm studying, hoping that I've successfully distracted the person who posted the question to honestly believe I've already answered the question, while other times I give a generic answer and share my passion about interior design.

Talking about specialisations, the 4 options laid out there, another prick in the mind, "eh what do you want to spec in?" Honestly, I do know what I don't want to specialise in. Does that leave me with a cancel-all-the options leaving with the one that seems to be the most correct option left?

After a year in Biz, I really keep questioning myself endlessly of what I really want to do. The conflicts of interest never end. There's gotta be something that I really enjoy doing right? Why does it not occur to me yet? After 20 years of my life, I am still... sad to say, aimless. I went one round, so determined to pursue something, thought I figured my life, figured the goals, figured what I wanted, but now, I'm doubting myself if what I really want is still the same. I don't want to be studying aimlessly like that. But I also don't like to give up on things I embark on; the dilemmas in life.

When will I make that turning point?

For one, when the week carries on, I will be too busy with school work to give thought to such a fundamental question. And really, it's quite pathetic to not know where I am going.

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

So fast?! AY2012/2013 already!

In a couple more days, I will be starting my Academic Year 2012/2013.
That means I am officially an undergraduate year 2. Also means I have been promoted to BBA2.
During this period last year, I was fumbling around, getting thrown off the feet with having to deal with terms like "modules", "bidding" & "freshies". Now they all just seem like memories of yesteryear.

I have completed the following modules in my first year in NUS Business Admin:

Sem 1
BFS1001: Personal Development & Career Management
BSP1005: Managerial Economics
DSC1007: Business Analytics - Models & Decisions
ES2002: Business Communication
MKT1003: Marketing
SSA2202: Changing Landscapes of Singapore

Sem 2
ACC1002: Financial Accounting
BSP1004: Legal Environment Of Business
DSC2006: Operations Management
MNO1001: Management And Organisation
GEK1527: Genes and Society

After much analysis on my part, I realised I have fared pretty poorly compared to my peers even though I was studying hard. And all these while, I keep thinking to myself how suited I am to do well for my course because it was the course that made the most sense to me and I actually enjoyed what I learnt. But why are grades such a poor reflection of the enjoyment and satisfaction I derived from the accumulation of such valuable knowledge?

Personally, grades themselves don't affect my confidence much in that they become the main motivation for my constant studying, rather, I just enjoy learning and being proficient in having knowledge related to business. And I used this to justify to myself that this is true intrinsic motivation to learning. But I guess many others only see the tangible results I have to offer - which aren't very much to boast about.

As I embark on the new Academic Year ahead, I will carry on my sole journey in learning for what there is. Harsh world, please don't give up on me; because I never gave up on myself.