To-do list

Notice that I have this to-do list at the right side of my blog. It used to be a really long list and I've deleted everything that I've done so far. There's 3 things that are outstanding and dying to be completed.

Why doesn't schools need relief teachers on long term? Only on urgent basis! I need the money, but I need the leisure time to do things in the noon which working full time doesn't allow. How how how?

My final theory is coming on the 8th feb. I hope to be able to book my TP test date end march or early april. Having the licence is just what's lacking right now. Damn.

I've only completed 10 practicals so far and my instructors have already been advising me to stop taking lessons (don't waste the money) and wait for the test date.

Then it's gonna be the results. RESULTS.

Climbing team, skate club, studies. Can juggle!?

Really cannot wait to start Uni life. I miss studying. It's so much more fruitful and meaningful to me than wasting my time away when I'm not working. I'd really treasure the next phase of my school life because it's gonna be the last lap before i'm plunging into the corporate world, and that's not gonna be as fun anymore.

Night out

Having the experience still fresh in my mind and with thoughts swirling throughout the night, I have to store it somewhere.

There are many lifestyles that we can choose to lead. I've trodden from the rags to riches. Well, not the extremes yet, but I've got a myriad to share. Tonight could be a new experience on another level.

With CNY approaching and the last day at work before the long break when company cease its operations for CNY, the whole of my department decided to chill at some sleazy place, see some 妹妹, drink some beer/liquor, smoke some cigarettes(for me it has rather been inhaling smoke and being a major 2nd hand smoker). Personally I don't enjoy clubbing, loud music, drinking to get drunk, and whatever that makes one wasted. But I'm very fine and cool with hanging out once in a while to enjoy the experience and see the world outside.

Seeing those China 妹妹 throwing themselves, talking so sweetly, coaxing the men and just basically making them happy made me think of how pitiful their lives are. I may be in no position to judge, but how happy can they be taking up such jobs? It's such a competitive world out there, whatever it takes to earn a living, I guess any way works. But it is also because men love how whiny women are, they are willing parties as well, providing jobs for these 陪酒妹.

风水轮流转. Men demand women, women supply themselves right? I just can't take it that women are treated simply as objects that money can buy. When a woman throws a tantrum, men just throw some money at them to shut them up. That's how it is for sub-standard women who can take it lying down.

Tonight might be my first and perhaps last of such an experience. Honestly, I have made a wrong choice tonight, but at least, I've learnt something out of this. It's a good learning experience. But I don't think I'd want to do it again.

My life's just ain't that kind. I just can't seem to find myself enjoying it. Maybe being a good girl is my forte. A steamboat dinner would have been nice, just don't rub in my face. This 小妹妹 might be making decisions that may not be the best, but they are good learning points.

At the end of the day, such men have allowed me to understand why the value of family is not present. Is it really natural that men must be satisfied by women and that they can't be contented with one? The amount of money for one drinking session could have well be spent on much better things that yield better investments. I don't see how when men 雕花 for girls and spending few hundreds on the flowers would churn any returns except a kind of happiness that doesn't last.

I'm still placing family of utmost importance. Good men out there, please don't disappoint.

I will not give up fighting for whatever it takes until I experience the true meaning of family; this 6 letter word that has been forsaken by a broken family and taken for granted by a perfectly happy one.

Thoughts

Though it has seemed like I've barely worked, it's been close to 2 months now.

I've learnt a lot of things about the work environment, about management in terms of people and work and just about generally how co-workers function in the office. It's a totally different world from school and I've matured from this experience. Adults deal with things different, and they deal with it professionally.

In school, friends or school mates could quarrel over insignificant things and such matters do not get solved over time, but it merely becomes gossip and everyone becomes judgemental about the said party involved. That's school.

In work, it's a whole different world. Any unhappiness could be kept within or voiced out to the superior and it gets solved. There's always a solution to the problems and there's no hate involved. Working is very professional. Being angry with work and being angry with the person delegating the work are two very different things.

You can talk to your boss about the work and the unhappiness from not being able to handle the work, but you can't insult your boss for giving you such work because he has the right to.

That's something very valuable that I've learnt. Many a times in school, we do not differentiate the wrongdoings and actions from the people. We accuse the person and scold or say them by insulting their pride. We pick at the person's integrity but we don't pick out what he/she has exactly done wrong.

Being scolded for one's actions is fine, because that can be changed. But when someone's pride has been pricked, it's a different matter altogether. Hatred and grudges will appear because it's after all one's character being taken upon on.

Saying "your work is not up to standard" is vastly different from saying "you are so stupid you can't even do such simple work right".

The former is pinpointing at the standard of the work produced, but the latter is downright insulting the person.

At the end of the day, it still boils down to the ability to differentiate what someone is scolding us about. If we lump it all together that the person is scolding our character and insulting us, then we'll never learn how to do something better.

So the next time someone scolds you, ask yourself, is he/she scolding your wrongdoings or insulting you as a person? Differentiate it and act on it accordingly. It's okay to make mistakes, but it's not okay to get insulted.

Likewise, if you feel unhappy about something/someone, pick your words carefully.

Target the matter.

By targetting the person, he/she will only end up getting defensive and the message you're trying to convey will not reach him/her.

Trust me, it's easy to say and remind yourself about it. But when things involve emotions, anger particularly, words that hurt usually come out first.

So be calm before speaking.

Words that are said in a fit of anger are usually very hurtful and degrading and they do nothing but make matters worse.

Hereafter

I haven't been in touch with books and such that provide me with the vast wealth of knowledge I want to gain in this life time. And when I hear the advertisement(yes I don't even have time for the TV that my only connection with the media is the radio which i intermittenly hear when I reach home and bathe and go to sleep for that half hour aside from the newspapers) about the movie Hereafter, I thought I ought to give it a shot. Finally a movie that would be thought-provoking.

It's sadly disappointing because of the lack of drama and plot and I had to entertain my mind by over-analysing little details. Inception still stands as one of the most mind-boggling movie to me. Movies ought to be a more exaggerated and dramatic to capture the audience attention right? It's merely mundane.

I have a very interesting maid story from young. As for now, I am maid-less. And I think I have grown up and adapted to a new phase of GROWING UP. It's automatically my responsiblity, or at least I take it upon myself to make sure the house is still liveable. Endless questions of why my brother can't help out fizzle away after a while because I realise it's a losing battle. Coming home way past midnight and rushing out in the morning for work would just leave piles of clothes unwashed. If only my brother realises that and helps out instead of spending half the day at home watching movies.

Am I really growing up too fast? I'm getting impatient because my elder brother still hasn't taken up the responsibility as a man in the household. When is his turn coming?
That question is merely rhetorical, because I know it's not any time soon and as for now, it's a good learning process to shoulder up and learn to be a wife in future(that is if I even can get married).

2011

I've skipped this whole blog while sailing through into the new year. No new year resolutions, nothing at all. All because of work commitments and its mad working hours, plus having a workaholic mom in the office helps in the least bit because when I'm done with my work, I have to wait for her to be done. And when everyone's done more or less, it'll be way past midnight. My record for working is fourteen hours straight for lunch and dinner break only.

It's coming close to 2 months since I've started working. It's incredible how I have convinced myself to start earning money when I have barely finished my As. I started 2 weeks after As. Good job. Now that I've jumped in, I can't seem to find the way out. The reluctance to quit and bum around doing nothing. But then again, that would mean I have time to climb and skate. Looking at Gravical pictures and the results tempt me so much I wished I could just put everything down at work and say heck it let's climb for months and start training and getting back into shape and go Chiang Mai with the climbers. Why why why! I'm the kind of person who gets homesick really easily, especially when I'm overseas, and that includes being on a holiday. However, during the Batu Caves trip, I felt like a week was much too short and it went by all too fast.

When will I start climbing? I've been asking myself man.

And yoga. The membership is wasting itself. I need to get a life right? Working is equally valuable to me as well.

These 2 months working have opened my perspectives and thinking. Being 18 sure is a different thing. Not that I have tried clubbing as yet, I'm already quite turned off by it. You see, when it no longer becomes a privilege, it's just as normal as taking a stroll in the park. Smoking, clubbing, sex? All the vices? They are just regular things that are discussed without much thought. I don't deny that I've seen quite a bit, but it still doesn't change much of me.

I still enjoy being naive. And I still enjoy adults referring me as xiao mei mei.

It's another phase of life when the results are out and when University life starts.

I can't wait.