Catalog

I have an unhealthy desire for answers where they can’t be found. 


Music may be a carrier for our memories, a harbor for our deepest feelings, and a catalyst for the emergence of both.

Deafening Silence

Words that become a fast blur.
Taking in only the forms,
But not the meaning.
Actually,
Not everything needs a close read.
Even a blur,
Can form music on its own.

Heart-throb

There is no measure of time with you that is long enough, let's start with forever.

Have I found you
Flightless bird, jealous, weeping or lost you....
Have I found you
Flightless bird, grounded, bleeding or
lost you?

Scents & Attraction

I had the luxury of time to go through a 4 page article regarding our attraction to others in relation to the natural body scent they are giving off. Ironic with the use of such time when I have a paper coming up in 2 days.

This is by far one of the most detailed article I have read regarding this topic. I vaguely know of the factors that play a part in the attraction I feel towards people. Before I had any idea, I thought I was the only one playing by the nose. And it's a realisation coupled with knowledge that it is actually a natural instinct to sniff out people and determine how attracted we are to whoever they are.

Throughout the article, it's referring to heterosexual couples and their nasal attraction. But I wonder, what about homosexuals? Being of the same sex would translate to more similar MHC genes? And if that's the case, as pointed out by the article, the higher the similarity, the more unattracted we would be to the other party. As distinct as scents might be, people of the same gender would more likely have a more similar set of MHC genes right? Then why the fatal attraction for them? Fatal as in doomed by our social conditions.

Behind the superficiality of deodorants, after-shaves, perfumes & colognes, the best time to whiff the most natural scent someone has is the moment he/she wakes up from a night's sleep. But to get to that stage, you have to be in a close relationship. And then comes the next part of the question, what if you are put off by that natural scent when you are in a close relationship? The emotions will mess up the ability to function by instincts that "he's/she's not the right one for me". Funny how these items are actually driving the sexual aggression by our society. Maybe that's why we are much more impulsive to get physically closer to whom we thought we were attracted to, to determine the suitability of our partners before we actually commit to a marriage.

A lingering thought, that sometimes I look like I'm better off studying psychology. And double degree is damn 凶 for me if I pursued what I'm doing now and up the ante with an arts degree. Shit. Why the pre A levels of me thought everything was achievable, till now when I'm really in it, I feel it. And boy, it's not easy.

The Night Sky

These two friends of mine made a surprising visit to my new place, fitting into whatever available space there was. Since it was a special occasion, we went out to celebrate whatever there was to it, with a good meal at Paradise Inn. Having the car at my dispense made everything felt so much more grown up. As I turned into the carpark at Big Splash, a sudden pang of adulthood hit me. I came to this very same place just 2 years back, with Wayne and all his friends, and they were all at least 6 years and more, older than I was. Treading this memory lane with Nah and Nel made it seem a bit nostalgic but all the more valuable that we were coming of age, finally. Funny how Nel mentions she'd prefer chilling at a bar with good music and beer rather than clubbing, which I had been preferring since many years back. Wonder why I skipped the whole partying phase together as well. 

To many things I'd say 'been there, done that' before some of the peers, but last night's was a first.

The three of us, arms draped over each other, hands linked, heads rested on shoulders, as we stood at the breaking waters of the sea in the night sky. Soaking in the sounds of crashing waves against the shore, staring out into the distance with blinking lights emitted from the ships, purely enjoying each other's company without words. 

5 years, a mile stone. Amazing how long I've known these 2 fellas, since I was 13 years old. And I don't know why I was part of the 5 years journey. Hahaha. We've crossed multiple paths, and yet through all the ups and downs, we are back at the same point here. Crossroads and distance, you don't need to have all the same interests and to be in the same schools to treasure friendships.

It transcends that.