Given a 2nd chance

Sometimes it's better to know that you have tried for something and gone all out for it, than to lack the courage and look back to think of the what ifs.

These days, I have the urge to blurt things out, but hold it back in on second thoughts. I wonder if it's a sign of maturity - of saying things at the right time. I might not be the most expressive person, but I've noticed that I'm hurting lesser and lesser people with my thoughtless words at random moments. This comes as a double-edged sword. If someone wanted an honest opinion, the answer would best be found from a child. Adults tend to conceal everything with euphemism. I think I'm in the transition somewhere between the adult and child process - still forthcoming, yet more withheld with airing my views.

Joanna made a remark that sometimes the things I say/do make people want to slap me. I think that's just my nature: GUAILAN! Hence my blog URL eh.

There's been an onset of people leaving the class. During Civics, there were triple blows to every member of the class. Some broke down, some looked down and some took it upon themselves to comfort the others. The atmosphere was tense, yet I was the only optimistic person having a smile on my face. I wonder if I appeared obnoxious or simply careless to anyone, but that's besides the point. I realised that I have very different reactions to matters that occur. I am a person who is resistant to changes and the adaptation process to these changes. Yet, I have the ability to take things in my stride and progress onwards, which, I've suddenly noticed, many lacked. I am glad for the person in each choice made by each respective person, but is it really easier to direct the energy towards negativity? Apparently it seems so.

It's a crazy vicious cycle of

1) having knowledge of something

2) proceed to wallowing in pity,

3) then to the realisation that nothing can be done to change the fact,

4) and finally recovering from the whole process.

It might seem like a step by step thing. But I have seen so many falling off the path in between these steps. Some repeat steps 2 & 3 repeatedly and it becomes a habit. And knowing habit, it dies hard.

I really want to help these people, but I have no idea where to start.

How do I pass on my optimism to make the world(or least starting from the people around me) a better place?

What's the point in me achieving contentment but seeing the rest hanging in limbo?