Help

I can't believe how fast my life has changed in a week. I was still gloating over how relaxed Uni life is because I was consistently ahead of lessons. Well, that only lasted for one week. One very pathetic week. I am struggling to keep my head above the waters now and with very sore muscles it's making life even tougher.

I'm mentally screaming in my mind everytime I think about the workload and projects and presentations. I am thankful for having the confidence to speak and present because it really saves a lot of time rather than preparing a speech and memorising to the death of it.

Training is exceptionally tough and I'm still in my culture shock adaptation stage. I am really slow in getting used to new environments and right now I am still finding a place to settle. It sucks to feel lost, because I need a direction to proceed. These are times to feel bad and down, but I can't find a reason to crumble totally. Trust me, the feeling of hanging in between is way tougher to handle than swinging on the extremes. Because when you want to cry out to release your emotions, you can't.

Every morning I wake up like a machine, eyes swollen from water retention and head spinning from the lack of sleep. I proceed to drive an exceptional long way to school faced with traffic jam and inconsiderate drivers. And honestly I have no right to complain because I have such a privilege. It makes me feel like life is so volatile. And I'm really missing friends... just friends to sit down and lie around and not talk at all but merely to immerse in the atmosphere and relax. There's so much tension in my body I feel so unnatural and jerky all the time as if I'm always forgetting to do something. Too many things on the mind with too little time to do them all. I should tone down the ambitions and be a little normal kid... or at least try.