Rememberance

Happiness existed in various forms. I was happy, have been happy, am still happy. I have always reminded myself of sanity. I'd want to live in the moment, to live for now. Sometimes I do things I cannot fathom I would do, maybe because I want to surprise myself and see how far I'd go at this. It's the little thrills, deep contentment, appreciation, sometimes a little bit more hopeful than certain days. Then other times melancholy sets in only so to remind me what happiness is.

I need to constantly remind myself of how much I have already been, and now I need to push myself out, to find out how much I can become. Though there may be uncertainties, I hope to be able to be in control.

It's a challenge, I want to come out stronger... than before.

And the thing about studies. Lost a little bit of drive in wanting to pursue excellence, perhaps the attention's been redirected at other things I thought are more important than grades. I'm on the look out for better job opportunities. Hoping to find work that I haven't previously touched before at a different industry. I wish I had all the time in the world to freely choose when I could attend lessons and go to work more frequently. Makes me appreciate the lessons more than I would do now.

This voice of Steve Jobs constantly reverberates.. "if you have been waking up too many times dragging your feet, it's time to rethink what you really want in life".

The rawness of opening a closed heart invites as much pain as it does contentment.