Innerflection

I don't even know if there's such a word as that in the title of this post. But here it goes, in my inner world, some reflection I see when I look inside.

I see a person whom have gained confidence over the past months, speaking more confidently, delivering ideas more persuasively. But I have also become more arrogant and less humble. I rattle off ideas and display my knowledge, without really thinking if the audience is suitable for it.  I have to learn to keep quiet, and be a listener, and then attune myself to the environment, and contribute valuable insights only when necessary. The wise listens more, so that the wise can learn more, and be wiser.

I see a person who is too curt, too straight to the point, too blunt. I need to learn to refine the ability of cooperating well with others, be more like water. Fluid. Adaptable and mold myself with the various groups of people I interact with. Sometimes I don't have to be myself and show myself for who I am. I can still stay true, but be more flexible. Being rigid will make one break, but being flexible will enable one to flow. I need to learn to flow along with the right crowd. Meet an obstacle and flow around it. When it's hard, go soft. When it's soft, come on strong. Water can flow.. and it can crash.

I see a person who over-commits herself. Promising everyone the world. But stretching myself too thin and ending up under-delivering. I need to recalculate what I can promise to people. Don't say ok when I can't. Ask for help when I need. Say no. Be less confident about myself, because I think I overestimate my ability. There's always better people around. Be humble. Learn from the best. And everyone is good in their own way, keep learning. Always don't settle and don't see myself as good enough. Keep working hard. Under promise. Over deliver. Surprise people with good results. I need to work harder with myself. Demand more. Put in the hours. Make myself uncomfortable. Only then can I produce good work and stop over-promising. Keep doing, silently.  Don't need to announce to the world what I can or cannot do. Just keep working on myself, focusing on the task at hand. Deliver it with near perfection. And then move on. I will tell others that I will try my best. But I will tell myself that I must do it and do it good.

I see a person who is spoilt and pampered. Who needs to pamper herself with lavish food to feel good. I will treat myself to a monthly meal. Be less demanding. Be more accommodating. Be less princessy. I will not spend excessively on meals. I will learn to earn more money and save this money. And then I will learn to invest. I will learn to be more independent and less reliant on others to do things for me.

It's time to be honest with myself. I have these 3 main flaws. And I need to keep working on them. I want to get better. I have been going too easy on myself these past months. It's time to shape up that character. Getting sloppy.

"You see your best friend and your worst enemy, when you stand in front of the mirror."