This is getting so pathetic... im on a rollercoaster ride right now, im feeling happy in a moment forgetting of everything and the next moment, i have no idea why, my tears just come out.. i feel i have no one to talk to, no one that can really see whats with the smile thats ever so fake on my face and being so cheerful about everyday... i feel so lost so alone... I'm suddenly starting to feel so negative, i shouldn't be thinking about things this way, but i can't help it, sometimes i feel so much to be like a kid all over again, but it just isnt as simple as it looks. Or perhaps. 'The real problem is actually the way you see the problem.' And the way i perceive something may all be wrong...ive never felt so negative after so long...after going through that one short but torturous moment... I cannot help but feel very jealous... i know i have to face the facts... and ive pointed out so many countless times, but its so easy to say, and difficult to do. i lack of something, and i thought i had gotten over it, but apparently, i have not. I really have not. And i feel so foolish that i have not. I haven't cried out my heart for so long... i always control it within me... and the feeling just sucks so much... when i was filming the game today, my mind just drifted off, and i just cried right then and there. I feel so helpless... The same thing been's happening continously for the whole day, i just start feeling so down and all, and i cannot control my emotions at all... i really really dont know what to do... and i don't wanna start crying myself to sleep all over again waking up to the next day thinking its all just fine... im lacking something that i thought i always had... i tried to replace it with something else. But i cant seem to... it never was that easy as i thought it used to be... why did i become so unstable, i feel so weak.....

HAIY.. IM JUST THINKING TOO MUCH than i ought to.....im so disappointed...with myself..
i'm always capable of helping people out through their difficult times...but why can't i just seem to help myself out..??