HAIZ..
what a bad start for this post. THAT I HAVE TO SIGH!

im so so so so soooo tired mentally and physically. But 80% tired mentally, really. Dunno why... theres so much stress... that i feel too much of it, that it seems that im becoming numb from it already... i dun even know where the source of the stress is from!! i jus feel so so tired, my mind so much things to think of, so much things to do, but whenever i feel like doing them, i procrastinate, because of? i dunno... no mood!!
this is not like a typical mood swing, its like really... im slacking, perhaps because of the one week break frm the continous tests and i didnt really study much, and when they are nearing, i start to panic!! aARGHH.. i got no one to blame except myself..
but some tests are like, I PUT IN effort to study it, and i still don't score well, do u know how saddening that is la.... my intellegence or what? so pressured, by no one... im putting the pressure on myself. haiz.... this is a psychological problem.. haha.. wierd sometimes it can get, i can be feeling very happy at one moment, and suddenly jus feel like shutting myself shut and sleep for the rest of the day, without having to think of so much things...

stress ah stress!!!!!! netball today... its like i didnt even feel like training at all, partly cos of my toe which hurts so much...and really.. jus no mood...my mind seems to be drifting off elsewhere...all the drills we did, i was practically SLEEPING THROUGH THEM.. like omg la... 1st time ever that i didnt even pay any attention at all, and didnt even realise its my turn...im so so disappointed with myself! when mrs tan asked the team whats wrong i felt like i let down everyone... it was a disaster... really.. my morale was like SO SO LOW....ergh....!!!!!!!
oh great... crap.. i dunno how many times i said that during training, ALL MY MISS PASSES... AHHH! CRAP CRAP CRAP!!
blah..blah blah..!

kk.. haha... crap. all crap. this is only part and parcel of life... this is only like 5% stress and im complaining so freaking much... gotta control myself ah...! but its good to turn back to go blabbing abt ur displeasures... life obviously has much tougher obstacles than this, and of course, if i cant cope with it now, what about later on? DIE? so soon? hahahaha... this is like laughing at myself la... its like the 'angel' and 'devil' in my mind talking to each other...
cos i jus read something inspirational, by people of same age, going thru exatly the same thing as me, IM NOT THE ONLY ONE going thru them, the rest are too... and how well they may seem to perservere on...ha.. shall stick to my previous post and be optmistic and cheer myself on =) its all an internal battle, with my own feelings and at the end its how well u can cope with ur own feelings that will turn out to be the true winner who outshines no one but yourself...

oh yea.. so much about being positive yea... haha. sometimes can jus go heck the day and crap about it and feeling much better after that... BLAH.. i have a throbbing headache since yesterday, its been on and off thruout and i cant seem to study at home... haha.. what nonsense? i cant seem to study in sch as well... lolx... ya.. wierd me... IM WIERD... uniquely wierd... HAHA... i JUS WANNA SLEEP!!!!