Weather

Just a really brief update so far... Weather's playing the devil these days. Climbing camp was definitely the best camp i've attended till date. Econs test was screwed today. I did study, i remember how it looks like on the notes, but not the content. Damn...
It still remains my favourite subject though, no matter how badly i fare for the tests/exams, my love for this subject will not die. That is, until i get what we are doing for lectures right now, it's getting so technical and it makes use of uncommon sense.

I cling on to the past too tightly. I was browsing through my childhood photos just a couple of days back, then I see the photos of my brother and I having fun together, the laughter and joy was so pure. While doing Wide Sargasso Sea for lit today...

"Pierre is dead, isn't he?"
"He died on the way down, the poor little boy," she said.
"He died before that," I thought but was too tired to speak.

We discussed how Antoinette felt that her brother was long gone in her heart before he was even physically gone.
I suddenly thought of the relationship between my brother and I. It was the exact same way i felt as her. Through my growing years, I've always wondered what really happened to the brother i knew as a child. He's a totally different person... It's as if he's a stranger to me. I know nothing about him, at all. Once i tried reviving those childhood times with him, asking him if he recalled our childhood together, the most disappointing replies i received were "I forgot."
Biologically, he's older than me, but i've always felt as if i'm the older child, the one who's more understanding, the one who takes care of the housekeeping matters.

Living away from my dad has been so different for the family now. Mom turns on the air-con, buy my favourite fruits, pamper me to her best ability... she says "It's time to enjoy life... if not now, then when?" Those were the days where we had to save on electricity, water, etc etc even though we were financially stable. The days of scrimping and saving for nothing are gone. Life is definitely better right now...
As i was looking at Gorden's blog about his family picnic, i had so much mixed emotions.
Sad that I will never have such a privilege, determined to be the greatest parent in the future and passionate to fill the big shoes that my parents will leave for me to fill. I think the greatest regret my mom ever had is marrying the wrong man. I don't have the choice to choose my father, but i definitely have my own chisel to carve the figure i want to be in the future.
It's that very thing that drives me to achieve the best in everything I do...