What goes round comes round

Just 2 months ago, our house was under renovation. The plight of our neighbours having to suffer through the days of constant hacking and drilling hasn't been fully amplified till personal experience comes into play. I think the renovation works right below me is driving my sanity away. Even Sushi jumps at the vibrations that travel upwards by the hacking. She looks as if she is permanently having spasms as each hacking continues, and my heart thumps inconsistently. The hacking has stopped, but not for long, tomorrow it begins, again.

money

Whoever said money is not important is surely not living in the 21st century. Money is important in every single aspect. People fall out over squabbles on money matters even the closest of friends!

I swear sometimes my mom speaks her mind without thinking. She sees me using the computer and sushi sleeping on the sofa behind me "See... at least sushi comes to me when i come back from work and you just sit there whole day stare at the computer, 养一只猫比养你还好". Then when i sms in her presence "whole day sms... don't even pay attention to me." Then i go out with wayne and she went "整天一直跟男人在一起". Wah i'm fine with anything that she likes to generalise me, but i can't stand it the way she make me seem like some desperate-for-sex girl.
She loves comparing my brother and me, but she never mention about how often he meets his gf(if he has one at any point in time), like at least 3/4 times a week la.
Then when i study and do well, she say "study so much also useless, so stupid, never use brains. your brother don't study don't study, at least he's smarter than you."
And when she's angry she will say "Study so much also 没良心, i no need to depend on you all to take care of me when i grow old." and, "when need money then come and talk to me, no need money then don't even care about me, i see through already."

See my point about the money part. Sigh.
Either it's about me being stupid, or money-face, or men-crazy.

Sometimes i feel so freaking pek chek i want to surrender and give in and let her have nothing to say!

I hate it hate it hate it.
She needs to learn how to communicate, i swear if this goes on our communication is going to break down (like it hasn't already happened).

The innocence

You know what's the most amazing thing about children? They bring out the best in people.
There's no prejudice, no pre-assumptions, nothing negative at all when you look at children.

They are in the truest, purest form of what happiness really is.

All i want

is just a proper functioning family.

The only thing that's pushing me every day and keeping my mind off is studies.

All the hate/sadness/disappointment and whatever negative energy is channeled to studies. It's an alternative route, well, at least it gets out of my system, i think.

"If you don't like a culture, don't buy it. Create your own."

I don't think i have a choice in this case. I have to buy it, and i have to like it. Why... i've been asking myself constantly.
What more can i do to make it better for everyone?

忍无可忍

I can't take it anymore! I'm dying from from fatigue and stress.

Every single day of the past 2 weeks, i've been coming home at least after 7pm. Then, there will be no dinner so i have to find ways to settle it myself. With whatever little time left, i have to study and do my homework for the next day. Just that is more than enough, my mom still has to shout at the maid for her carelessness/laziness(she chipped a tile in the kitchen and dented the timber floor with a metal pole GG), then yell at me to pack my things into the cupboards, then hear my brother yell at the maid for messing up his stuffs, yell at my mom for buying spicy instant noodles, yell at the neighour in the opposite block at 1am for staring at him when he was yelling at my maid, blast his trance/techno music through the whole night and leave the lights on while i sleep because he's living in a reverse cycle.

I don't have a proper bed and i don't get proper rest.

Somebody, for a moment, be in my shoes.

Sigh.

There's always a balance. When there's wrong, there's right.

When there's 2 super quick and hot tempered people who's mastered the skill of yelling in the house, i just have to be the mild one to balance the shit.
How i wish i can just shout and vent my anger too.

I wish.