The only way to do great work, is to love what you do

It's been quite a week and I'm always here at such awkward timings of the night reflecting at my inner life.

Lucid dreaming was recently brought to my attention and I've did some reading on it. I realised that I've had a rare moment of being able to control and be so aware of my actions in the dream. Then, I assumed I had the ability to lucid dream. Yet to my disappointment, i've just merely had a rare encounter, because each night the ordinary brain goes through a cycle of 10-15 dreams and that meant I've had countless of dreams(that were unknown to me) since the last one that I could control.
I tried exploring to train myself to lucid dream but the desire is not strong enough to make me stand by it. The week has flown by and I've not remembered a single dream anyway. It's seemingly futile.

My results are all out for MCTs. Rather disgusted at the numbers that appear on each script based on my intellectual capacity. It was really hard sitting in Econs class trying to listen to the correct answers and explanation for the paper while the idea of getting U for Econs kept popping into my head. How can a subject that I have so much love for be justified in such a way?

In the face of emotional situations, a person's character is revealed to some degree. Seeing a classmate/close friend/acquaintance/human being - whatever the relationship is - break down, the least anyone can do is to offer some sympathy and comfort. The idea of blatantly choosing to ignore, disgusts me completely. If we were all born to bear grudges, to live with hatred, to let our lives be filled with such negative emotions, then isn't it unfair for a person because that person is subjecting himself to emotional weakness/instability whenever the particular person whom we have bore a grudge, appears. It really hurts to have such an atmosphere around in the class with so many politics and gossips building up. Suspicions and assumptions are more easily accelerated at this rate and it's going nowhere but downhill.

"Almost everything, all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important."
-Steve Jobs

The closest encounter I have with death is that of my paternal grandma.
My grandma's death has always been a stark reminder to how much more I can do with my life. She has been a healthy strong woman with dogged determination to do things her way and it slowly declined when the people most important to her started leaving her life. It ended on a very bad note and till date I will always remember the cloth tied securely around her neck below a cold pale face with mouth slightly ajar. This very image has recurred on my mind every single night, when I turn off the lights to go to bed, since her death. If death was a release for her, what about the many regrets which would not have resulted and unfulfilled things she could have done if she persisted? Did she think she was fighting a losing battle to begin with? This very act of voluntary taking one's life requires a hell load of courage, and imagine if that courage had been used to change something that she was troubled with. There are endless possibilities but they only begin with "What ifs" and end with a dangling question mark. Ever wondered why the question mark looks like "?" that? It starts with a curve that makes you go in a half circle, only to end with a dot that doesn't connect the circle. It's the same analogy with the "what ifs" in life, we will never see the connection if we only conceptualise it in our minds but fail to put it into action.

Miss Kwan has so aptly put it across to us that we are as busy as the person next to us, and it is no reason for us to blame it on other commitments for the lack of time to study. This can apply to all aspects of my life.
Whatever that happens, no matter how uncomfortable or depressing it may be, there is always someone else who feels worse off. If we keep seeing ourselves as the sole victim, we are not going to go on very far - which is very true for most of the people who are constantly feeing unsatisfied and unhappy with their lives - because we will be stuck in the vicious cycle of wallowing in self-pity.