Training has been good this week, did some climbs before we started on speed training on Wednesday. Surprisingly I have shaved off a whole 10 seconds from last year! Incredible eh? Today I managed to be faster than I was on Wednesday. I realised I get faster and faster with the more climbs i do. My first climb was 25s, then it dropped to 23s, then to 21s, then to 20s. During the team speed, I secured a 20.8, followed by a 19.8, then 19.6! Maybe on that day I need to keep going and going. It's an irony how I feel I climb really slowly and how the rest say I look like I climb very slowly, but the timing proves otherwise. I wonder if I have the power to make the time go into slow-motion. Heh heh heh.
Today as we got back PW results, the entire hall was in jubilation! Mrs Loke was almost yelling when she announced that 82% of the cohort secured a distinction. 7 classes had 100% distinction and when our class was flashed on the projector, I kind of half expect and was half in shock of how well we have done together. The feeling is incredible. After the individual results were being collected, from time to time there were screams of exhilaration and disbelief. It was quite a mess, I wonder how it would be like when the results of A levels are released next year.
During training halfway, Sam and I were chatting aimlessly and he suddenly brought up the topic of how he told his dad off once before of how he hated him nagging him about his studies and from then on his dad seldom mentioned it to him. You know what's the best part?
My mom is hardly concerned about my studies, and I like it the way it is.
But i really hate it when she says you study so much also so stupid.
But i really hate it when she says you study so much also so stupid.
She came home late last night, when I had just ended my math tuition at 1030p.m, with the brain almost fried, she started going on about "Nowadays ah, you all study so much, the more you all study, the more stupid you all become. I think only your brother so far has reached my expectations." I felt like I was being reduced to NOTHING at that point.
The talk that we had during contact time on Wednesday about family relationships really said so much more than just scrapping the surface about the relationships we have with all the people in our lives. I wonder if she knew that by saying that of me, I felt like it was an equivalent to telling the little child that "if you fail you can go and die".
Isn't it the same? "study so much for what? still so stupid."
Is it really my fault that I lack that sort of non-academic intelligence? Why am I being blamed and scolded for something that is beyond my control?
The people closest to me really know the ways to stab my heart deep.
Well thinking about it, I feel rather hurt as well that my math tutor commented "Jacinda's poor results, coupled with her lazy attitude, are worrying." Anyone who knows me knows I am far from lazy, and this is the first time in my whole schooling life any teacher has said that of me. I'm in disbelief. I did the most work for math and threw econs away and it just didn't work out that day when i sat for math, and she has to say this of me. It eats me up sometimes when I think about it, the whole sour feeling just takes over. I know I shouldn't let it affect me but really, it hurts.
Like how I've always put things this way, it feels good to get affirmation once in a while to know that all you've done is worthwhile. Double blow of discouraging words to me over these 2 days, I'm going to be nonchalant about it and study hard for myself. If no one is going to help me, I'm helping myself out.
No comments:
Post a Comment