Climb X 2010

It might have seemed like a 2 day climbing event, but playing both the roles of the competitor and organiser sure makes the whole thing feel much much longer. My perspective of organising climbing competitions sure did widen over planning Climb X 2010. There's just so much aspects and details to pay attention to that nobody will see until they have organised one themselves. I am so glad TJCCC 09/10 was given the opportunity to plan for Climb X 2010 despite our hectic schedule of competitions after competitions. Amidst this year's climbing camp we managed to pull off both the camp and preparation for the wall really well. I'm so proud of how efficient all of us are especially the leaders who are pushing the whole thing to keep it going. The rain might have dampen the spirits of the competitors for both days, but I'm sure just the mere sight of the wall and the routes were enough to wow them. I glow at the thought of how a bunch of 17/18 year olds managed to pull off this whole event. The sight of varsity climbers coming to support our event has also given me just that right amount of satisfaction and appreciation.

Today as I was walking back home, the image of a working mother still in her office wear playing badminton with her son really amazed me. Some parents sure do treasure these growing up moments with their child. It serves to remind me of how I have never enjoyed such privileges of spending copious amounts of time with my parents. From those childhood days till now, I barely even remember any family activities we had together that were purely in the name of having fun. Now, it's even worse. Every single night, I will give a call to my mom around 11ish just before I head to bed only to receive a standard reply "in a meeting call you back", of course it never happens. The only time I get a glimpse of her is when I wake up in the morning and the 15 minutes spent in the car in the mornings that she send me to school. Most of the conversations would revolve around her work and the way she manages the company.

I think she, as a mother, as a woman, deserves so much more than this.

I'm so afraid I'd be like that in the future as well, immersing myself in work, letting the roses go by. She's not getting any younger anymore, and even though I might have some doubts in that she would have to face a difficult moment when she reaches 59 (as predicted by the feng shui master), which would determine if she would continue living if she managed to overcome it, or move on to the netherworld if she doesn't; it's hard to ignore such information that has a possibility of being true.

It's a pretty short 9 years from now.

She doesn't know how much she has missed in my growing years.

Maybe these months that I have been spending home alone with just the maid serves as some sort of training for my independence without her in the future.

I was thinking, it's so easy for me to take the easy way out, to throw my studies away, to throw everything that I have struggled so hard for. The vast amount of freedom I have allows me to do anything I want. Yet, sometimes I console myself by reminding how good a daughter I am, making her never having to worry about me at all. I suppose this is a reflection of the success of her parenting skills, but, you know, I still crave some family time.

Loneliness kills, seriously.

One parent missing could still be tolerable, but if both parents are missing, I start to wonder...

Maybe I could be my own parent too, start training to be a mom for my future. Nag at myself to go study; force myself to eat something even if i don't have the appetite; make sure the little kitty has sufficient food; make sure the maid ain't doing funny things behind our backs; make sure the house is clean and prim; make sure that my mom go to sleep early and not waste electricity staring at the lids of her eyes while the TV blasts away. A reversal of roles? Maybe that's what's happening. I could start hunting for a husband for my mom to let her enjoy since I prefer old men so much, you know, kill 2 birds in 1 stone. Aye, it's funny how my optimism never dies out.