Thinking about it

Saturdays have unofficially become my climbing training days. Yesterday I made a breakthrough! It feels like my first hard lead climb since NSSCC last year. Nice long stretchy dynamic moves. Hard breathing, sweat dripping, feeling all out of breath and pumped. This is the feeling that I have been missing so much. I know what's so addictive, it's the adrenaline rush.

I've been craving so much for an overseas rock trip. The first one to Chiangmai failed because none of the girls could make it except me. Now it's Batu Caves! It's still undecided. I've been thinking, I don't know if I could not join climbing in uni and pick a different activity to engage in altogether. We shall see again eh? I've always planned so far ahead, but things don't always work out that way. Now it's just taking a step at a time, reaching a goal and pursuing the next.

On Friday when I checked the SMU online platform, it says that my status is "Admitted", and I am patiently or rather anxiously anticipating for the acceptance letter. And NUS has no news at all. No interview, nothing. I am seriously, seriously, seriously still in a dilemma between NUS & SMU, but if I don't even get anything from NUS, what next? Shall decide again when I reach there.

On a different note, women are so captivating to men and men are always falling under their spells. The way my colleagues speak to men/women are so obvious, especially when it's male colleagues speaking to their male counterparts, and the next moment, they converse so sweetly with a female colleague. It's obvious. I shall just sum it up in chinese, 男人就是那么贱. No offence, I think it's a natural mechanism that makes men function like that.

And being the crazy me, I keep being attracted to married men. I have officially declared it a crisis. I wished I could heal myself. Wah, deprived. It's close to 2 years with 4 months short that I've been single. But I have nothing in mind(fine, except weird fantasies of things working out with age gap way more than 20 years LOL), except to start school, start the next phase of life. Start saving, start planning. HDB is going to be so expensive, I wonder how Gen Y's gonna afford a house of their own, including myself. And a car is so hard to upkeep, and I am so stingy. Spendthift. And I am just rambling.

Sarcastic humour is funny and acceptable. But just plain sarcasm that digs at you isn't. It's simply telling of one's narrow-mindedness and inability to accept things the way it is. I don't know if it's jealousy or the innocent envy, but it's so obvious even to people not directly involved. It's not the way to go, and I realised this habit of mine, the automatic reflex of avoiding the whole thing altogether, wishing either it's going to go away or a miracle happens. Either way, it's not salvaging anything. And I keep thinking to myself, am I at fault too?

Sometimes adults just don't act the way they ought to, I sincerely believe there's still a naive child in each of us, wishing we could be baby-fed and coddled.