React or act?

I am like a cultured plant who gets battered in the rain, and thrives in sunlight when the sun is up. I react so much to external factors, as if I depended on them to shape who I am.

I know I cannot keep reacting to all of these.

I need to start acting for myself.

Sometimes I really pride myself too much on my optimism, but being only human, I cannot carry through. It's so hard... and heavy, along this journey alone.

It's making me weak.
It's hurting me deep.
Boy, I am only human.
I've got my pride, I will not cry.
But I did.

And as I did, I was reminded of what you said, that it hurts so much more for your mom to see you cry because no mom would want to see her daughter cry.

There is really no way in being protected under the wings, because one day, I will have to learn how to fly. I will fall and sometimes it's going to be harder on other days, but I have to learn. And it hurts, and I know why it hurts, because it's the kind of hurt that I've been seeking, and the hurt that my mom has been trying to keep me away from. I'm sorry but this time, I'm on my own.
I need to grow, and hurting so much, is part of growing.