Dear Parents

If only you knew.

There are some reasons why your child does not tell you everything that happens in his life. It's not because he means to hide things from you. Neither is it that he is doing 'wrong' things that he ought not to be doing.

Firstly, how many times do you jump the gun and scold your child as a first response to what he hesitates and have thought through a lot before opening his mouth?

When your child has his first traffic accident, he comes home safe and sound, despite the car being a wreck, and the first thing you say to him is hurtful words about how much insurance you will have to pay and the repair costs.
Have you wondered, behind his physical safe self, his heart is trembling with fear from the near-death experience? Have you stopped to offer a hug and console his shaking fear? Have you cared about his feelings from such a traumatic experience?
No, you don't.
You go on and on about yourself having to fork out more money. It's always about yourself.

When your child has his first break up in a failed relationship, what do you do? You go on and on about how worthless the other party has been. You protect him from the negative experience by shielding him from the harshness of reality. You don't bother to find out what actually happened in the relationship. You assumed things on your part and the blame somehow always lies, not with your own child, but some other irresponsible parent's child. Some of you may have tried to reason things out.
But with single parents, you condemn the poor ex girlfriend/boyfriend of your child's. You label all women/men in this world as useless, unreliable, disappointing just because your own marriage failed.

When your child offers his honest opinions by daring to point out that your parenting ways may not always be right, you feel downright insulted that all the years of effort and love have gone down the drain. He has thought through a lot and presented in it the calmest of ways that sometimes everyone has different views and he is fine with a different view from your very own. But he would just like to share with you his own views. What do you do?
You say hurtful things that he isn't grateful for all that he has received from the moment he was born. You pick on little things and assume the worst of it.
Have you ever stopped to think for a moment, that your child has been listening to you all his life, and that when he stops to speak up against you for something he strongly believes in, he has in fact grown up? He has a mind of his own. He has matured. He, is in fact, the product of your upbringing. He has learnt to not conform to the conventions of society. He, your own flesh and blood, is ready to face the world, with his own views and not crumble and succumb to the mediocrity of society, of which, demands everyone to conform.

Every child is like an unpolished diamond.
How brightly he is going to shine, depends on the technique of your parenting.
And I do hope all parents treasure this unpolished gem.
How good and valuable he eventually becomes, depends on the amount of effort you put into polishing him to be the man he ought to be. Or the woman I'm supposed to be.

Because, I don't understand after all these years, I am still that imperfect child you'll always have.
You teach me to be appreciative of all the good things I have been given by you.
But have you taught yourself to appreciate me as the best daughter you would have never traded anything for? Maybe not. I tell you how contented I am with everything in my life. I make do with the ups and downs the family endures.
I haven't heard a single thing about how appreciative you are as a parent that I make one less worry for you by striving to be the best in my studies, the best in the sports I pursue, the best as a person in this society. I develop my very Self with whatever free time I have on my hand, to lessen your burden as a parent. I save you the trouble of learning about parenting. I parent myself and develop myself. I teach myself values. I form my beliefs. I am objective.

What about you? Have you put in the effort to be a better parent?

I know I have strived to be the better child you desire. And to me, that's more important than anything.
Like you, I just need you to be appreciative of that, and that sometimes I might fall short of your exceedingly high expectations.
But unlike me, you have been unforgiving. Looking on the brighter side, because of your exceedingly high expectations, I have learnt to accept nothing but the best from myself.

Regardless, all my effort and hardwork to be a better child are instantly wiped out the second I make a moment of folly.

I wished you remember that we're just humans, regardless of the difference in positions.

If only you knew.