Do you remember?

The conventionality of memories is where they fade slowly with time. A wonder why mine has quite erratic recollections of it. A random memory throws itself out from the sea of memories, standing out there bare, as if commanding me to remember its stark details.

It was such a random moment when it happened. And then, I started feeling the rush of emotions. It overwhelmed my heart. I almost felt like I could just let tears fall. And why is it that only now that I felt the gravity of the whole episode. Almost as if there was a lagged response from my whole system.

I thought of the long night where we sat in silence. I thought of the times I'd smile at your smile. I thought of your gloomy face. I thought of myself doing things I'd never thought I'd do. I thought of the long phone conversation. I thought about the concern I initially felt from you. I thought about myself diving into an abyss. You got caught in the wayward branches midway. I continued falling. I thought I was flying up higher, but I realised I had my vision turned the other way. I had been falling all along.

Sometimes I question myself what all that was about.

There were many happy times. At that time, I read a particular note that felt so surreal.

Reading it again now, it feels real. No, it is real.

When two people meet, they become engaged in their own world. Life suddenly didn't seem so mundane. Happy times flew by. And suddenly, one person stopped making the effort. That person, would perhaps be me. Quite like going down the slope, it started tumbling from there. Conversations lessen. From animated meaningful discussions, it mellowed to mere exchanges. Finally it came down to occasional politeness. And we've reached the fork end. You have gone your way, and I have gone mine.

I have walked back and retraced the path before the separation of our journey. And I have asked myself over and over. Why did I put myself through that?

When you have a big part of you still left here in my memory, jumping out at me, catching me at the most unexpected of times. I wonder, did I even leave a part of me with you? Or did I just happen to fly by you like the occasional breeze?

The question no longer begs for an answer. Like you, I have turned my back on my own heart.

Do you know that hurt is still hurt, even if my hurt was less than your hurt. I wished at some point that you could, like me, see beyond your own hurt and realised mine as well. Maybe you never did. Maybe I'll never know too.

I only wish that I'd come into your mind occasionally like you do for mine.