The Path of Aloneness

Have you ever felt that there is a time when you can't voice out your thoughts to anyone? Have you ever walked down the path of aloneness even though you are surrounded by the closest of friends? There are certain thoughts jumbled in your mind that you can't even find the words to describe them. You try so hard to articulate it, to make sense of your emotions, but you just feel like you are grabbing at nothing-ness. As if I bought a ticket on the bullet train, everything is whirring by me. The moment I try to focus on a view outside the misty windows, my head spins. The only way to go is to follow the flow, the ride as the tide goes.

The feeling of having my feet off the ground floating in this state of nothingness makes me feel like I'm losing a grip on this thing called life. Maybe I have been trying too hard to exert some form of control as I can only perceive the best way to doing things is to have some if not all control over them.

In the pursuit of exposing my vulnerable self, I am starting to lose grip on my emotions. Having some emotions would signify something, but why is it a void inside of me? I am so humane and soul-less at the same time. I don't know how that is achievable, but it looks like I'm doing it. Fully capable of loving someone whole-heartedly without reservation is what I have transferred from the years of friendship with the closest of friends. I give without expecting any returns. And I don't disappoint myself even if there is slight appreciation expressed.
Hurt me all you will, but what hurt will there be when the core is empty inside of me? What is there even to hurt?
Love me fiercely, and I will do the same, but what passion is there when everything I try to grab at is slipping through the fingers?

Maybe this is a part of me changing. I am embracing the vulnerability in me. I am, for the first time, putting myself out there.
And sometimes, some things don't need a reason or logic.

The logic that I keep pursuing is slipping as fast as I try to contain the pool of water in my hands.
Maybe it's time to let go... and be free from my own clutches.
I'm still wandering at the cross junction, with so much as having clouds to guide me forward.

And this has nothing to do with you, because we all need to walk down the path of aloneness, from time to time.