Does It Matter?

Hovering at a ridiculously low CAP score is the reason why I'm here (blogging about my feelings rather than spending 5 minutes more on studying). As I receive the email about the eligibility of the BBA/BBA(Acc) Honours program, I laughed at myself. I have 2 more semesters to get it up. But I wonder, so what if I did? It will be marginally better only and I could possibly only scrap by to get in with the 4th year. And how much value-add will this low honours bring? Not much. So rather than waste my time trying to fit sand in an already full bottle, I'm looking elsewhere for more bottles to fill the sand with. Honestly, it doesn't matter to me. Stop telling me that I need/should/ought to get it. Because it doesn't matter. Not to me. ______________________________________________________________________

On a separate note, I wish someone understood the pain of wanting something you know it's bad for you. It's an unhealthy addiction. I'm digging my own little grave, gratifying myself now only to harm myself more. Why?! More knowledge, less mystery, more pain, less time. Sometimes even I don't get myself. And trust me, I don't blame you for not understanding me. Because I'm grappling with this myself too.