Could it be called solitude? Or rather a night of loneliness?
It's a friday. It didn't feel like one. I was sitting on my bed thinking as i was drifting into unconsiousness. I opened my eyes in the dark and thought... i've been doing the same thing every day at work, it made me lost track of time. I didn't know it was friday till my mom mentioned it in the office. Back at school, we followed the timetable, so we had maximum knowledge of what days were coming and which day we were looking forward to. Now i can really understand why some people can be so busy at work until they lose track of the time.
I finally understood why my mom needed to turn up the volume of the tv when she's alone at home. I did the same thing. I felt so empty without any life around me. My mom always said i loved peace and serenity, i think it's just a nicer way of saying that i wanted some quiet time and space for myself. But now that i have an abundance of it tonight, i felt so different. I didn't feel calm nor relaxed. I felt exhausted after a day's work, then the feelings of being forsaken started pouring in. I had all the necessary material items to entertain myself - PSP, TV and handphone. The TV being in the background... i hugged sushi and stroked her for quite a while. I checked my phone a couple of times, waiting for a message.
I waited... and waited...and continued waiting.
My bed time arrived and i still haven't received a single message...
Maybe a sorry will suffice my being,
maybe not.
Maybe i don't want a seclusive piece of heaven to recline in anymore, i just need company and laughter.
4 comments:
Well, quiet and solitude do tend to make one feel uncomfortable if you aren't used to it or when you're really tired out from work. That's cos we all need leisurely distractions to tune out with. And the tv, handphone and psp provide distractions in abundance. But solitude does enrich yourself on some level. It gives you some time to think about *yourself* rather than about work or what the plot of the tv show is. That could be rewarding. It does make you more steely in the mind. Very few people bother to take time to think about things the way you do nowadays.
So don't think of it as loneliness. That's different from solitude. The latter's a choice, the former is more like a state of being unwanted.
Hope you enjoy the occasional session of solitude but are never lonely. Someone once said, "What does friendship do except to prepare us for solitude." Cheers. Hope you're surrounded by merriment during this merry season :)
who the fuckbag is random dude
wahlao random dude was just being nice okay? your so fucked up sebastian.God. time for some maturity to sink in please.
yo nel chillax. he didn't mean it the way you took it as it was. he's just being him, ignore him; pay more attention to me. i crave the attention you give nah :P
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