Release the clenched fist

I've always hated conflicts.
I always take a detour around the conflict or provide some sort of distraction hoping it will pass over. I　ｈａｖｅ　ａｌｗａｙｓ　ｔｈｏｕｇｈｔ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｗａｓ　ｔｈｅ　ｂｅｓｔ　ｗａｙ　Ｉ could avoid a conflict. However, to my mom, it only serves to antagonize her even further. She sees it as my way of escaping reality, of not facing the problems.
I think I have a found the root cause of all our unhappiness.
It's my way of looking at things that is totally in contrast with hers.

I thought by avoiding it we would skip a heated argument. But no, she's the sort that bear grudges, which only makes everything so much worser because she remembers every little thing that I have done that she wasn't happy with.　Whereas I'm always choosing to live and let live, forgive and forget, best if I treated it as if it didn't happen. I'd rather deal with the problem, get over it and move on. She chooses to blow it up, to let it affect everybody around, to make it such a big fuss that would make me feel like shit after that.

Why always trigger a mild person like that?
I really dislike all these tension building up. I hate confrontations.
It's an evil cycle because I disallow myself from making any mistakes in order to not cause any conflicts and I end up making even more mistakes from trying not to make mistakes.
Taking the easy way out seems to be not working anymore.
Sometimes I really wonder if the problem lies with me, or it's just her being overly insecure because of the lack of a man in the household.
Her only outlet to vent these frustrations is through both my brother and I.

My brother just go head to head with her, I just can't bring myself to do that.
And she outrightly says she prefers his rudeness towards her than my keeping silent.
What am I to do?

Her favourite weapon is my studies, or rather my determination in my studies. Favourite quote that kills me right deep inside "Study so hard also so useless". I hate how my studies always come into the picture. Am I suppose to give it up? To show that there is now no more that she can use against me? Does she really think that if I studied lesser I'd automatically be more filial? It's really the upbringing. She tries, and I think she's not able to handle it all alone. Help.
What's wrong with me? I don't drink/smoke/take drugs/commit crimes/sleep around. What have I sinned, seriously... She always make it sound like I was a mistake all along.
I have high expectations of my own moral values, in front of her, I seem to lose it all. She's definitely have her way of making me seem so small. It's never good enough.

At the end of the day, it all boils down to her complaints of us not loving her enough. We can only provide that much.... It's draining for both my brother and I. For one, I definitely am not capable of loving her like how a man would.