Thinning

I'm wondering right now if I should make a trip back to my toilet and check out the little drain cover if there's a pile of wasted hair there, because I seriously can feel the scalp when I touch my almost balding head. It's going to an unhealthily thin state that I'm wondering if there's anything wrong with me. I'm having a permanent gastric pain even though I filled/stuffed myself for dinner hoping the gastric juice would dissolve. It's not working though.

I'm thinking I might be like Pam! Oh no. Over-eating? Inability to digest? But I've been defecating normally. Hope the gastric pain dies down after a good night's sleep.

I've never felt this prepared for Lit before. I'm actually done with studying(by my standards) it just before the day itself. Yes, I used to study only on the day itself thinking I'd pass. Usually I do scrap through, hopefully I'm able to up the gear this time! No more hovering around the 50% percentile. The worst feeling is dangling halfway. Not knowing if I should put in more effort to sustain a C/B grade or leave it there cos I'm content with being average.

You know how we always tell ourselves to go into competitions with no expectations? Just doing your best?

I'm going into JCTs with high hopes for Math especially. It's hard to tell myself that it don't matter if my results suck again this time round, because I genuinely have put in effort. It's hard to tell myself that it's a grow and learn process.

But then again, I just have to do it either way. For the greater good... So pessimistic. So unlike me! Okay, moderate expectations. Pick it up like a man and move on whatever the outcome is.

I was just flipping around Facebook profiles of many of the old friends. The old times we all had back in Secondary school. I can't believe how much we have all changed, how much the bonds have changed as well. All the letters we used to write to each other day after day, with all those fervent... it has diminished as we grow out of the girly childish mould. It reminds me of how we were so innocent and childlike, so carefree and stress-free. Friends do come and go; learning to treasure the now, rather than look back and think of the what ifs.

All the different phases of my life flash through my mind from time to time as I have time to myself, be it in the bus, or just waiting for something/someone, and it all feels like it happened just yesterday. Time is slipping by like the water in my hands - the harder I try to clasp my hands together, the faster it seeps away.