Sunday, August 29, 2010

Nurture

PM Lee just said spoke on behalf of the MOE "In schools, we have caring teachers and a nurturing environment."

Having experienced that, I might add that a few cooks do spoil the broth by being unusually discouraging.
Just recently in an Econs lesson last week, I was in awe when the Econs teacher went "I mark your essays until puke blood! Marked them until 2a.m!" No matter how much dissatisfaction or frustration she feels, that should be the last thing to be said to an already very discouraged class especially when the class has consecutively been claiming the 1st position from the bottom for 2 semesters.

Contrastingly, I have an incredible Lit teacher who is extremely encouraging and motivating. On the individual level, I receive scripts with "Jac, I appreciate the hard work and effort." etc, and on a class level, she constantly reminds us with every assignment that she has marked that she see us making improvements and putting in lots of effort into it. We are reaching there and we have to continue persevering.

In the same school, with all teachers playing the same role of wanting their students to succeed; some live up to the name of being caring teachers, while some unknowingly ruin students' self esteem and pride.

Friday, August 27, 2010

What say you

Of yesterday?


I've been indulging in mindless thoughts, prioritizing and re-prioritizing over and over but they are all merely thoughts left unspoken in my head.
I am craving for such simplicities, but the world has evolved so much that I simply cannot neglect my material welfare among other responsibilities and expectations to live up to. I wonder when will that day come when I realise that all the pursuits are for nothing because I have lose track of the simple things in life.

And I don't wish for that to happen... but I can't help it. All the external pressure and stress placed upon me have got me so succumbed.
The poor have the poor's worries; the rich have the rich's unhappiness; the remaining are left fighting to be above the poor and will eventually still be contained by the rich's power.

If sleeping could solve the world's problems, I'd gladly sleep a lifetime away.

Everybody's the same; we hear only what we want to hear.
These days, who really listens?

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Lost in transition

Mixed emotions as I stepped into the house I once had grown so accustomed to playing with my cousins. I was stifled the moment I walked in. Tension built up in the atmosphere as my brother and I waited in the living room. It was a foreign place to us now, despite the physicalities not changing much at all. We have grown much, grown distant from the childhood we once had.

It's 2 more months to my paternal grandma's first death anniversary. The 2 of us bowed in respect to her tablet while my uncle handed to us what she had left behind. And I realised, she had been the constant thought in my mind this past year. Every night, moments as I lay in bed with the day's events flashing through my eyes, just out of the corner of my eye, the image of my grandma, hung by her neck at the windows of her flat, stayed in my mind, for every single night.

I have personally witnessed both my paternal and maternal grandmothers' death. Then, I was merely 4, lost in the chaos as ambulance sirens wailed in the distance, paramedics flooded the place, I was just standing there, watching my maternal grandma lying on the floor with the chair toppled and yet way too young to really understand what really happened.

Both of these last images of what I saw of my grandmothers have left such a deep imprint in my mind. After 14 years, and 1 year, respectively, I can still close my eyes and immerse myself in the replaying of the scene so clearly.

One has left peacefully, while another has left with hearts and family ties broken.

Grappling and still grappling with it, wondering what I will be like in the future, and how much of a grandmother I will be remembered as.

Every subsequent future mid-autumn festival, I will be reminded of the harshness of reality, of her message delivered to us on that very day, of how much the entire extended family has fallen apart; with her death loosely threading the blood lines together. The emptiness I feel is irreplaceable and unforgettable.

But life goes on; and so should everyone else's too.

A pause

Take the time to breathe and notice how we've neglected simple functions... and enjoy the video


Amidst all the buzz in our lives that don't really matter 20, 50, 70 years down the road, these are the significant things in our lives that ought to be remembered and cherished.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Inflation

Then, we wished for a million dollars

And now...


We wanna be billionaires.

Blame inflation.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Skepticism

I found myself nodding albeit a bit furiously in agreement to Ms. Kwan's statement about parenting not being easy at all. It was as if, for a moment, the both of us had this mindset about parenting being tough when surprisingly, we're both not even parents, yet. Ever since Guan Hong mentioned about Ms Kwan's comment that she felt I was a deep thinker, I have this constant awareness of the look in her eyes whenever she glances at me in class, and she has the piercing eyes that looks as if she's performing psychoanalysis on me.

I have developed a certain level of pragmatism about relationships and people and about most things in general. I wonder if I'd turn out like this very teacher of mine, because I find many things in common between the both of us: fiercely committed to 'walking the talk' and doing rather than talking, what we believe is right.

That's not very optimistic for Singapore's fertility rate, because it would mean one less mother to contribute to Singapore's pathetic replacement rate. But then again, I'm not completely consumed by the idea of singlehood; with still some hope left for the future of Singapore complement with whatever youth I have left in me.

The old soul in my young body feels weary these few days in school. I find myself having grown completely out of the idea of having to have the world liking me all the time. At some point, there's bound to be someone who disapproves or disregard me as a person for who I am. And unless it's someone I truly care for, it affects me in the slightest bit. Thanks to my mom, I see revelations of these values she so painfully taught it to me when I was younger - there's no need to sacrifice your own happiness by pleasing everybody.

On a side note, I'm entertaining this thought of mine to have a gap year after A's to pursue my interests in all the various fields before I settle down and apply for a course in Uni. With the rigid education system of the inflexibility to switch majors in Uni, I'm having the considerations of thinking through thoroughly and experiencing what I truly desire to do in the one year because it concerns what I will be doing with the next half of my life. Should I? Because that would defeat my purpose of 'taking the shortest journey' by going to a JC and then leveraging with the poly people with their 3 year diploma.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Parenting Philosophy


I've seen Jack Sim being featured on The Straits Times on many occassions. Today, another exclusive of him was shown in the Life section. For those who are clueless who Jack Sim is, remember all your 5-star toilets in various hawker centres around the heartlands of Singapore - and that is just the tip of the iceberg of the work he's done.
The reason why I've paid so much attention to this amazing guy is not because of my obsession with toilets or the fact that he's old(see some of you sniggering while reading this), rather, I've had the privilege of being classmates with his oldest daughter during my Primary school years, without knowing that I was given the grandest of opportunities to interact with her.

For someone to name his children after the simplest virtues in the world, i.e. Faith, Earth, Worth & Truth, there's bound to be something very interesting about this person.

Excerpts from the article in Life that were very inspiring to me:

"Let children be free, let them do what they like. Teach them basic values, teach them honest and audacity. Teach them to be polite but not too polite, so they can speak up." - His take on parenting philosophy. "I hug them, talk rubbish with them and joke. Of course, I sometimes have to do this through Facebook."
"Thrift is very important," he says with a laugh. "I used to think that a businessman must wear a Rolex watch, have a Montblanc pen, join a country club, so I went to get it all. Then after that, you know what happened? So strange, my status didn't change at all."


I vaguely remember her oldest daughter, Faith, always being very outspoken in class, daring to voice her opinions, and going against the conventions of what defines a girl. She pursues what she believes in, be it in studies, or hobbies. And now, I finally see the dots all connecting.
She wasn't the most well-liked by classmates because of her outspoken and unconventional character and we were all biased little children judging her by her thin frail frame, but that is only because we were too young to appreciate this side of her. If only I had been enlightened when I had been much younger. Now it really teaches me to never judge a book by its cover because I had this bias against her as well as she was abnormally thin and tall and didn't look like the rest of the normal kids(only then I realised she has her dad genes, take a look at his NS photo featured in the monday interview).

Believe it or not, I have a memory of a particular conversation I had with Faith in Primary school, where she took out a car that resembled a toilet bowl, and went "my dad's a crazy toiletman, he has this insane love for toilet bowls."

I laughed in response, oblivious to the start of a ground-breaking advancement made in terms of the standards of sanitation around the globe.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Crazy

It would be an overused word to describe the week, but it's the most apt. How national day and the additional holiday it brought to the students of Singapore have thankfully shortened the school week to a mere 3 days. I love skipping tuesdays. It's one of the worst waste-my-life days because of the endless breaks.

My mom always dispense her advice to me freely like a fountain. The one that has stuck with me throughout is her "凡事要拿得起,放得下" nugget of wisdom. Whenever an obstacle stand in my way, I take a detour by going around it, or sometimes when I feel strong enough, I climb over it. Then I realised an easier way out, if i'd put the baggage down before taking the detour or even climbing over it, it would have been a much easier journey for me.

And it's what I've done. I feel relieved and glad that looking back, the dots are all connecting now. It isn't the best of times with me struggling and stressing out over crossing each day out on my calendar counting down to Prelims, but it's good to push unnecessary worries out of the mind, and focus on what's more important. Especially in this last leg where everyone's close to losing their steam, I need to stay strong!

Sometimes I really wonder what's going on in my life, I guess it's what Will Smith said in Pursuit of Happyness, "This part of my life? This part right here? It's called being stupid."
I worry over nothing, when my mom has the world to worry about. It's time to open my ears to share her burden.
Her wish of being able to one day hear her children say this to her that "Working is of priority, but parents are above work, because without parents, I wouldn't even have today."
Be patient, I have 5 more years to go. I will be there. (And I hope you still can hear me say that to you, what with the TV volume getting incessantly loud by the months...)

It's getting to me. I notice every single detail of the signs of her aging. She has never forgotten about leaving her phone lying around, never forgotten about bills, never careless in the things she do. And these days, she don't remember where she has parked her car, things slip out of her hand mindlessly, interest charged for overdue bills and asking me the same question within 5 minutes until I remind her that she has just asked me that. It's time to grow up. And I will only be that much of a console to her until the man in the household decides to shoulder up his own responsibilities and be a man.

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Tears

They don't signify weakness or insecurities.

I have teared on many occasions this year. For reasons I'm not exactly sure of, but I'm glad I have been crying more often. It's a sign of me opening my heart again.

The cold-unfeeling-always-putting-a-strong-front creature is slowly slipping away. For the record I've never cried in school before, and today I teared over a trivial unimportant insignificant thing. What's gotten to me? Opening my heart for hurt to find its way right into my soul. I seldom give... and now that I've given unconditionally without receiving any reciprocation, it hurts.

Though sometimes, I enjoy the warm tears flowing... it makes me feel humane.

"不要问我哭过了没,因为超人不能流眼泪"

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

The drones and the mundane

I'm going to make a wild shot at guessing here, but Mrs. Ang's daughters are likely to have a communication breakdown with her in time to come. Maybe I'm just a typical naughty little girl who is all too immature to teach and all, but the tone that she uses with me (I should justify that it's not just me) is so condescending and critical. She uses the "I'm your father you listen to me and shut up" approach to talk to me. I'm in awe and shock at what conclusions she make when she approached me at the canteen a couple of days back saying "Jacinda! You should read more widely on your Econs. You seem to think you know everything but actually you are so confused."

The puzzling thing is I am quite the most active contributor/learner in her class and she agrees with the points that I share most of the time, and I seriously wonder where she get that hunch that I'm so confused about everything. It resonates my obsessive thinking that women these age are so judgemental(like my mom) - which makes me constantly conscious of myself not treading in their footsteps. Things that adults teach, and practise, are worlds apart. And they are so blinded by their assumed superior stance because of their age which makes them even more ignorant of the way they behave because they simply refuse to accept/believe that anyone younger would have anything worthy to say.

The video on the paralysis that choice creates has quite the same explanation on why adults like these behave the way they do. The increase in the digits of the age would mean an inevitable wealth of experience accumulated as well - the very fact of this allows these adults to conclude that they have much more experience than the young and that what they view as right/wrong will be the truth. WHICH, ironically, has limited their perspectives to a microscopic level because they jump to conclusions too soon due to the over-reliance of past experiences.

I rest my case. Remind me not to speak in such condescending manner to people younger than me because you never know, you might be enlightened in one way or another. Always be receptive to everything, but never be too easily swayed by what you see/hear at face value.

The balance to that is so hard to attain.
Look at it this way:
Toddlers soak up information & knowledge like a sponge(including the good & bad), while the old ones have shells so hard to break through that nothing goes into their ears & brains.

Ever wondered why most grandparents/mother/father-in-laws or even your own set of parents are so stubborn? They have all the barriers erected all around them, refusing to accept what's unknown to them for fear of having their beliefs/principles/values criticized when they have spent the last few decades devoting their lives to.