Change is only constant

My heart ached quite badly last night. I felt like crying, to make myself better, but I couldn't find a reason strong enough to let the tears fall naturally. I just felt all weird inside. I realised there are so many changes in my life since I started work.

There's no routine, or at least, not to my liking. I take effing forever to adapt to new changes and the transition process sucks. Now it's practically working and working, and on the weekends, I have absolutely nothing much to do. Friends have seemed like a completely lost idea except for the fact that Chanel is like my other soul who sticks around 24/7 whether it's physically or emotionally(seeing each other at work/off work/talking on the phone when we don't see each other).

I kinda hate the fact that my social life is gone. Friends from school? Friends from skating? It's been quite a small world for me, now the world has apparently vanished into thin air.
I appreciate the work experience I'm getting right now, but the other aspects of my life are literally crumbling in front of my eyes.

Having been single for so long, I don't even fancy being in love now. But sometimes seeing how some couples are so happily in love, makes me feel like I can be like that. But if we really considered all these, I confide in Chanel practically almost everything so we should really be on our way to making couple tees. Ha ha ha. Just like what we both agree on, the feeling is different. But we just enjoy the freedom of singlehood, of not reporting to someone our movement, of not being controlled by another person.

I want to make a change in the way I go to work. Being on time for work and leaving when I'm not required or when boss says it's ok to go is this perfect picture in my mind. The reality is that my mom goes to work real late, and I follow her so I end up being real late. And my boss is not happy that I'm late because my job scope requires me to be on time to complete tasks within working hours. And thereafter my job ends for this direct boss in the projects dept, I go on to help do little things here and there for my mom after my office hours. So technically I'm on average working way past the required 7.5 hours a day. It's killing me because we get home so late that I have insufficient rest to recharge for the next day for my proper job at the projects side. So much grouches.
And I was thinking even if I get my driving license by 18th march, it wouldn't change much if I drove myself to work at 930am and leave my mom back at home with no transport to work.
We need to work something out, and getting my mom to wake up to go work at 930am is like wishing for money to drop from the sky. Sigh.

I'm pretty confident results will be out on 4th march. Judgement day. All sorts of thoughts running through my mind, majority being the negative ones. It's because I have already got everything worked up with the concept that I'm aceing my A levels and not thinking of what's going to happen if it doesn't turn out that way. Maybe that's why i'm fretting.

There's so many different kinds of people in the work environment. Sometimes I wish I could crawl back into my safe nest and trust everyone and allow them to take care of me like a little baby. But I know... it's time to grow up.

It sucks growing up. Responsibilities... I have to take them up some day. Gonna commit myself to contributing to the utility bills from the next month onwards which makes up $200 gone from my pay and a further cut because of CPF contribution. Not that I spend so much, it's about time to read up on financial planning as well. Adulthood is beckoning.

Time is just slipping by...
What I really miss like hell are nights out with mommy at fine dining places, less hard liquor(or none at all) and more time for myself to read books in bed all day. I haven't even start on clubbing yet, and I don't even want to begin anywhere.

Health risks and the very fact that I don't even enjoy all of these... why must I go through the teenage years? I just wanna sip cocktails and listen to jazz/classics/instrumental and splurge at nice dining places. It's the life of the late 30s/40s or maybe I shouldn't even go by age group. Everybody just have different interests and likings. Always admiring all the wrong sorts of people - married/out of the age range. And I happen to hear comments that I'm always scaring off guys my age. Destined to be single... which isn't much of a worry for now at least. Maternal instincts aren't kicking in because the thought of pregnancy and going into labour scares the shit out of me.

But the thought of living with my other half in a beautifully renovated house is just an amazing thought lingering in the mind. I want to design and live in a new house so badly...

The showflats in some new condo launches are really luxurious...and tempting me.
Everything in SG requires so much money... house+car, the 2 assets I can't live without. When will I achieve the financial independence to purchase these? Not any time soon, but the results will be the baby step to all of these, which makes me wonder, I'm just going to be like any other typical working executives out there slogging for such material pursuits. But it's also the very same things that give me that sense of satisfaction that's very important to me.

I'm thinking so far ahead... and tomorrow is just another working day, yet again. 5 creeping days... to results.