Dear

All it took was for one movie, a simple, touching, heartfelt movie, to change my perspective. As a continuation from my previous post, there were signs of unhappiness bubbling in me. I kept thinking. Every minute as I'm awake, as I'm in the house. I thought, and thought. While I drive, alone, in the car, I thought. I have been selfish, thinking about how much I disliked the way things are as it is. I kept going down this slippery slope of being unsatisfied, being annoyed, and even frustrated because I cannot do anything. I realised after these couple of hours, that I kept harping on all the little things that put me off. I kept focusing, like a nitpicker, like her, on all the details that made me angry, little things would spark me off, all because of all the focus and attention I had placed on the flaws.

Everybody has time. Whether it be found, or created, there is time on our hands. But eventually, it's gonna run out. There is only that finite amount of time each of us has. If I continue spending every waking moment, focusing on flaws that made me unhappy, it's miserable, not only for me, but for her. I've zoomed in, and now I'm learning to zoom out. I want to force myself to see the bigger picture that life has in store. I have prided myself on being logical, reasonable. But I've been very unfeeling and simply uncaring about the people physically closest to me. I realised that problems take two to happen. I must have faulted somewhere as well. I'm trying my best to change.

Because I know time, will eventually run out. And I don't need to have regrets. I want to give it my best. I read somewhere, that the declaration of independence of America, was for a purpose. It was for the pursuit of happiness. It was a common goal for the land of free people. I've had many goals, and still have many more to pursue. I need to wake up, from the clouded vision of unhappiness.

I have been very privileged and blessed. Why am I still complaining? Each time I feel disappointed or upset, I would think of the life I'm enjoying right now. Is it really worth it being frustrated? I will try, as hard as it may be, to change the status quo. It hasn't been easy all these while, bringing us up single-handedly. We've been pampered so much more than many complete families by material wealth. It takes a lot to understand her position, and until I become a mother myself, I can never understand the whole thing, only grappling here and there. But you know, I'm going to give it my best, to understand it. Because when someone actually really understands it, the amount of relief and appreciation she will feel, is beyond any loving I can ever give.