Perhaps the most important aspect of waiting is that you’ll know what your goals and values really are, says Paul Coleman, PsyD, author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Intimacy. While you don’t want to marry someone just like you, marriage is a lot easier if you two share a similar outlook on life.
Twenty-four and already married to the man of your dreams? Don’t worry: Many young marriages survive. But given the choice, you might consider putting off the big day until your mid-20s or later.
This is probably one of the most dominant thoughts in my head. The wonder of why some people can dive into relationships one after another. While some take a while before committing to the next again. I belong to the latter group. Yet, this doesn't necessarily mean a slow recovery process from the previous relationship. It's waiting. Waiting for my own goals and values to be cemented, and finding someone else who has similar values in life. The wait is definitely worth it, than going in for a kill just because you're merely lonely.
Companionship can be found in friendship. Loneliness is the top most reason many people dive into their relationship, only to find out that there are many things that they couldn't see eye-to-eye. Why go through the process only to know the harsh outcome? Feelings are not meant to be played like that.
Falling in love is irrational. It's staying in love that's rational, because you need to understand the flaws and strengths, and still love the person. Like how you commit to your family. It's an undying tie. You don't just suddenly wake up one day and say, "I feel like I don't love you anymore". It requires effort. It's not magic that couples stay in love for a long time.
This is like a self justification of why I am still single. Because I'm waiting. Not for the right guy to sweep me off my feet, but for myself to re-adjust my overwhelmingly high expectations. Which is a tough journey, because being more educated makes the expectations just go up exponentially. There'll be a group of people who'd advise me it's counter-productive to my love life. I know. But how do you expect me to lower these expectations when the expectations of myself, are exceedingly high, as well.
An excerpt of where I think my motivation lies...
"It is one thing to believe in a nice old God who will take care of us from a lofty position of power which we ourselves could never begin to attain. It is quite another to believe in a God who has it in mind for us precisely that we should attain His position, His power, His wisdom, His identity. Were we to believe it possible for man to become God, this belief by its very nature would place upon us an obligation to attempt to attain the possible. But we do not want this obligation. We don't want to have to work that hard. We don't want God's responsibility. We don't want the responsibility of having to think all the time. As long as we believe that godhood is an impossible attainment for ourselves, we don't have to worry about our spiritual growth, we don't have to push ourselves to higher and higher levels of consciousness and loving activity; we can relax and just be human.
If God's in his heaven and we're down here, and never the twain shall meet, we can let Him have all the responsibility for evolution and the directorship of the universe.
The idea that God is actively nurturing us so that we might grow up to be like Him brings us face to face, with our own laziness."
Something about this will lead me to my next topic about effort & hard work in another aspect.
1 comment:
Nice post.
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