All i want

is just a proper functioning family.

The only thing that's pushing me every day and keeping my mind off is studies.

All the hate/sadness/disappointment and whatever negative energy is channeled to studies. It's an alternative route, well, at least it gets out of my system, i think.

"If you don't like a culture, don't buy it. Create your own."

I don't think i have a choice in this case. I have to buy it, and i have to like it. Why... i've been asking myself constantly.
What more can i do to make it better for everyone?

忍无可忍

I can't take it anymore! I'm dying from from fatigue and stress.

Every single day of the past 2 weeks, i've been coming home at least after 7pm. Then, there will be no dinner so i have to find ways to settle it myself. With whatever little time left, i have to study and do my homework for the next day. Just that is more than enough, my mom still has to shout at the maid for her carelessness/laziness(she chipped a tile in the kitchen and dented the timber floor with a metal pole GG), then yell at me to pack my things into the cupboards, then hear my brother yell at the maid for messing up his stuffs, yell at my mom for buying spicy instant noodles, yell at the neighour in the opposite block at 1am for staring at him when he was yelling at my maid, blast his trance/techno music through the whole night and leave the lights on while i sleep because he's living in a reverse cycle.

I don't have a proper bed and i don't get proper rest.

Somebody, for a moment, be in my shoes.

Sigh.

There's always a balance. When there's wrong, there's right.

When there's 2 super quick and hot tempered people who's mastered the skill of yelling in the house, i just have to be the mild one to balance the shit.
How i wish i can just shout and vent my anger too.

I wish.

Settled

I have so much on my mind the past weeks that i don't even know the exact emotions i've been having. Everything's just coming together in a whirl, spinning and tossing me around freely. I've been hit and bruised in the process. I don't even know how to phrase all these right in words because they will just be words after all. The only way i know is through tears.

Every house-moving experience is almost the same with my brother being absolutely not involved at all. I wonder when this sort of responsibility settles in for a guy - after NS? after getting married?
Whoever said older brothers were loving and endearing?
I say bullshit.

I thought the house would be settled nicely just when school started, but apparently it didn't turn out that way. I'm struggling in between trying to cope with house matters and school work. It's tiring, i swear.

I really wish for a proper bed to rest my worn soul.

HOMELESS

Yes, title says it all.

I'm separated from the family, and so is my brother -- putting up at friend's place. It has actually come to this state that we actually don't have a house to live in. Stupid kiasu landlord signed the tenancy agreement too fast to lease out to another family, and we had to move out on 7th feb; the new house is still under renovation so we had no place to move in to. It's so pitiful, i swear.

The official first week of school after orientation is pretty much slack, having only 2/3 lectures per day. I can't say much about how the school is like because everything's still raw to me.

The one thing i miss most and feel like hugging/stroking/sayanging most is my dear Sushi. :(

Sushi must be missing all the scratching i always help her do on her neck :(

Ahhh... Sushi! meow once if you miss me too :(

Deja vu

I ought to be blogging about today because it's the official day that i enter the JC life. So much has past over the week, what with Chinese New Year and all that visiting. I think the rest of the TKGians feel the same way as i did this morning in the auditorium. When i entered TKG, Mrs Loke was welcoming all the little cute Secondary ones into the family, now when i enter TJC, Mrs Loke is there again welcoming us. How refreshing huh!

Saturday's Go-Karting outing at JB drained quite a lot of my energy, to top that up, i couldn't sleep well on Sunday night just before school because Sushi kept meowing loudly. I think it's time for her to be spayed, she might be going through 'puberty', with the hormones raging and all. First day of school is pretty tiring, maybe because of the lack of rest. Tomorrow's Amazing Race sounds fun, hopefully it'll be fun too. And I really need a lot of energy to last me throughout the school day.

Now... where do they sell those adrenaline pills.