Weather

Just a really brief update so far... Weather's playing the devil these days. Climbing camp was definitely the best camp i've attended till date. Econs test was screwed today. I did study, i remember how it looks like on the notes, but not the content. Damn...
It still remains my favourite subject though, no matter how badly i fare for the tests/exams, my love for this subject will not die. That is, until i get what we are doing for lectures right now, it's getting so technical and it makes use of uncommon sense.

I cling on to the past too tightly. I was browsing through my childhood photos just a couple of days back, then I see the photos of my brother and I having fun together, the laughter and joy was so pure. While doing Wide Sargasso Sea for lit today...

"Pierre is dead, isn't he?"
"He died on the way down, the poor little boy," she said.
"He died before that," I thought but was too tired to speak.

We discussed how Antoinette felt that her brother was long gone in her heart before he was even physically gone.
I suddenly thought of the relationship between my brother and I. It was the exact same way i felt as her. Through my growing years, I've always wondered what really happened to the brother i knew as a child. He's a totally different person... It's as if he's a stranger to me. I know nothing about him, at all. Once i tried reviving those childhood times with him, asking him if he recalled our childhood together, the most disappointing replies i received were "I forgot."
Biologically, he's older than me, but i've always felt as if i'm the older child, the one who's more understanding, the one who takes care of the housekeeping matters.

Living away from my dad has been so different for the family now. Mom turns on the air-con, buy my favourite fruits, pamper me to her best ability... she says "It's time to enjoy life... if not now, then when?" Those were the days where we had to save on electricity, water, etc etc even though we were financially stable. The days of scrimping and saving for nothing are gone. Life is definitely better right now...
As i was looking at Gorden's blog about his family picnic, i had so much mixed emotions.
Sad that I will never have such a privilege, determined to be the greatest parent in the future and passionate to fill the big shoes that my parents will leave for me to fill. I think the greatest regret my mom ever had is marrying the wrong man. I don't have the choice to choose my father, but i definitely have my own chisel to carve the figure i want to be in the future.
It's that very thing that drives me to achieve the best in everything I do...

The busy life of JC

You guys can tell how busy I've been by the absence of updates.

I'm in love with building muscles and climbing. The adrenaline you get from feeling strong... ah sexy. I know it sounds so testosterone-y, but it's the truth ever since climbing started. I wonder why I didn't start climbing earlier. It's a pity not all secondary schools have climbing as CCAs. It would have been amazing.

I was eating my dinner just now and watching Sushi sashaying around the house. It triggered the memories of how i used to sit by her side when i dished out her food in her food bowl and watch her eat till she's emptied it. These days the role has been taken over by my maid. Though i still spend some quality time pampering her every single day, I think I tend to take her for granted. I don't know; i feel a strong inclination towards her and this attachment that the one thing I want to see first when i reach home would be her, and she would be waiting for me by the door, then start purring at the sight of me and brush past my legs, then try to clean me by licking me with her rough tongue. If that wasn't enough, she would have all her little tricks up her sleeves from chasing after my feet like it's a mice and chewing onto them like a ragged doll, then running across the smooth floors and always never manage to break in time when a wall comes close. Then she would want to play with me by jumping all over the place and toppling everything, digging the rubbish bin, walking on the toilet bowl, going to the highest places etc. At night, she would sleep with me under the covers; in between my legs; all cozied up on my bed. In the morning she would wake up together with me and meow at me to let her out to the kitchen to pee in her litter tray and eat breakfast. Imagine all these gone when she's lived her life to the fullest... for one, i can't. She's so close to being another human being.


Climbing camp is coming in 2 days time. My muscles are aching. My palm is as rough as a guy or even worse. My toes are getting disfigured from the super tight climbing shoes. I am lagging behind for physics. I love econs. Lit is slack. GP is fun. Math is pure hard work. PW has only just started!
How would my life be like if i had chosen a poly?

What goes round comes round

Just 2 months ago, our house was under renovation. The plight of our neighbours having to suffer through the days of constant hacking and drilling hasn't been fully amplified till personal experience comes into play. I think the renovation works right below me is driving my sanity away. Even Sushi jumps at the vibrations that travel upwards by the hacking. She looks as if she is permanently having spasms as each hacking continues, and my heart thumps inconsistently. The hacking has stopped, but not for long, tomorrow it begins, again.

money

Whoever said money is not important is surely not living in the 21st century. Money is important in every single aspect. People fall out over squabbles on money matters even the closest of friends!

I swear sometimes my mom speaks her mind without thinking. She sees me using the computer and sushi sleeping on the sofa behind me "See... at least sushi comes to me when i come back from work and you just sit there whole day stare at the computer, 养一只猫比养你还好". Then when i sms in her presence "whole day sms... don't even pay attention to me." Then i go out with wayne and she went "整天一直跟男人在一起". Wah i'm fine with anything that she likes to generalise me, but i can't stand it the way she make me seem like some desperate-for-sex girl.
She loves comparing my brother and me, but she never mention about how often he meets his gf(if he has one at any point in time), like at least 3/4 times a week la.
Then when i study and do well, she say "study so much also useless, so stupid, never use brains. your brother don't study don't study, at least he's smarter than you."
And when she's angry she will say "Study so much also 没良心, i no need to depend on you all to take care of me when i grow old." and, "when need money then come and talk to me, no need money then don't even care about me, i see through already."

See my point about the money part. Sigh.
Either it's about me being stupid, or money-face, or men-crazy.

Sometimes i feel so freaking pek chek i want to surrender and give in and let her have nothing to say!

I hate it hate it hate it.
She needs to learn how to communicate, i swear if this goes on our communication is going to break down (like it hasn't already happened).

The innocence

You know what's the most amazing thing about children? They bring out the best in people.
There's no prejudice, no pre-assumptions, nothing negative at all when you look at children.

They are in the truest, purest form of what happiness really is.